In a dystopian future, when reaching ‘working age,’ teenage rebel defys his destiny set by a leading class oppressors and will fight for living life his own way, even if it means death.

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    Samurai Posted on November 27, 2017 in SciFi.

    Think 1984 meets Falling Down ūüôā

    on November 27, 2017.

    I am not sure about the right spelling of verb “defy”. Sorry for that, even google won’t help me.

    on November 27, 2017.
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    3 Review(s)
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      Sounds like he’s escaping communism.

      Don’t write the logline as though it’s an affect — examine the formula structure and really think about what your story essence truly is about.

      His destiny means nothing to me. I don’t know him.

      Fight for living life is what everyone does, every day. Tell us what he really faces in this tale.

      His own way? Again, I don’t know this guy.

      Means death? How and why does it mean death and what what must he do to avoid the death before what may happen?

      Summitry Answered on November 29, 2017.

      Thanx mate. I will work on it. I see the flaws now

      on November 29, 2017.
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        This reads like a generic kids-flipping-the-finger-and-rebelling-against-repressive-adult-authority trope of the coming of age genre.¬† What this logline lacks, what it needs, is a particular hook, a specific and unique take on the trope. As was the the case, for example, with the “Hunger Games” and “Divergent” franchises, for instance, both set in dystopian futures.

         

        Singularity Answered on November 28, 2017.

        Thanks mate, you got a point. Hook is yet to be discovered. But if you could help me with the other parts that make a good logline, at least for the sake of understanding how to make a good one, I would really appreciate it:¬†does the logline works as it is now (no good hook, you wouldn’t read it, I know)? Does it have all other ingredients? I would like to start writing something I am passionate about, it doesn’t need to be sold, it can stay in my drawer forever and waiting for hook means I will not write for who knows how many decades. All I do on night shifts is staring into the wall, instead I can practice writing SOMETHING once I know story can stand on its own. Once the hook comes, there are always countless rewrites that await any first draft screenplay.

        on November 28, 2017.
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          JanCabal:

          >>>Does it have all other ingredients?

          The antagonist needs to be specific. “Leading class oppressors” is general. And by specific I mean there needs to be an alpha “class oppressor” who dominates and personifies the whole system.¬† As in “The Hunger Games”.¬† Katniss Everdeen is fighting¬† the oppressive regime of Panam, but the specific person she is fighting against is President Snow.¬† He is the face of Panem; he is her nemesis. Who is the face of your “class oppressors”?¬† Who is your protagonist’s nemesis?

          LIkewise the protagonist’s objective goal needs to be made specific and concrete.¬† “Will fight for living life his own way” can mean anything and everything.¬† How does “his own way” translate into a distinct objective goal?

          >>>something I am passionate about

          If you are passionate enough to write the script, you are hooked on the premise.  Great!  Now the  challenge is to hook the rest of us on your premise so that we will want to read the script, see the film.

          fwiw

          Singularity Answered on November 29, 2017.
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