In a world where magic is determined by hair color and people with the same magic can temporarily share power, a yellow haired boy longs to be with his kind but discovers they have been divided by war with other magic types. After finally meeting others like him, he finds he can share power permanently and leaves to unite his people.
So In a world where people can only temporarily share power, this yellow haired boy learns that he can share power permanently (inciting incident?) with other yellow colored hair people (his kind). He longs to be with them (goal?) hence leaves to unite his people divided by war with other magic types..
How is “sharing power permanently” a solution to unite people?
This might be solved by providing specifics for what sharing power means, and what’s the difference between temporary and permanent sharing of said power. Since, the inciting incident is him realizing he can share power permanently (whatever that means) the Goal must be a direct result of this realization.
What does he risk losing if he doesn’t leave on a journey to save others? What are the stakes? >>He longs to be with his kind.. Then make it a part of his situation: “In a world where people can only temporarily share their powers, a kid separated by his kind realizes that he can share power permanently and must [do this action] to [reach this objective] which brings us to…
His Objective Goal and the line of Action are still unclear. What do we expect to see onscreen; a yellow haired boy travelling and sharing his power to win a war, until earth is left with only yellow haired people?
Seemingly explicit in the premise is that discrimination on the basis of hair color is normal, seemingly okay.
Why is discrimination and tribal hostility on the basis of hair color okay in this reel world, when in the real world discrimination and ethnic rivalry on the basis of skin color isn’t?
Or is it? Please clarify.
My concern is that in these times of hyper-sensitivity to multiple issues of discrimination on the basis of this or that trait (race, gender orientation and identity), your premise runs the risk of being misinterpreted. What is the difference between discrimination, association and tribal conflict on the basis of hair color versus discrimination, association and tribal conflict on the basis of skin color?
Why must the protagonist organize his kind? Organize them against whom? So his kind can fight Black haired people? Red heads?
What is your thematic point of organizing people and pitting against others on the basis of their hair color?