In the snowy Montana wilderness, a mysterious frontiersman protects a homestead family from a corrupt lawman and his posse.
The logline describes an interesting situation for a plot…. but, alas, it fails to describe a plot. Which is what a logline is supposed to do. (Check out some useful guidelines under “Our formula.” )
For instance, there is no inciting incident; we don’t know what happened that caused the frontiersman to get involved in the homestead family’s plight. What skin does he have in the game? And what is the lawman after? Of all the homesteaders he could harass in the territory, why is the lawman singling out this one?
Hey. Thanks for the feedback.
I’ve looked at the formula. What do you think of this one?
When a corrupt U.S. Marshall, under orders from a brutal company, begins taking land from homesteaders refusing to sell, a wanted frontiersman must protect the homestead family he has taken refuge with.