In a fabled land, a bounty hunter must find a sacred artifact to resurrect his late lover before the crown’s inquisitor does.

    Penpusher Posted on June 3, 2019 in Fantasy.
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    4 Review(s)

      It would be better if they had a specific wish. Because a wish, or the granting of a desire is just a means to an end.

      For instance, finding a land that grants wishes so he can bring his dead wife back to life would be specific.

      In other words, what specifically is driving the lead character to find the land.

      Singularity Answered on June 3, 2019.

      Yep it’s just that, bringing his dead lover back to life. For the Kingslayer, undo-ing her action of killing the King and throwing the Kingdom into chaos. It’s a bit long but I could try a rewrite like this;

      In his search of a land fabled to grant resurrection to his late lover, a bounty hunter and a kingslayer must find sacred artifacts while the crown’s inquisitors pursue them.

      If it does any good, it’s Medieval Fantasy.

      on June 3, 2019.

      Because there are very few kings nowadays, I don’t think you need to specify “Medieval Fantasy” because it’s implied.

      on June 4, 2019.
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        >>a bounty hunter and a kingslayer

        Confusing.  Does this refer to  two characters?  Or does this refer to one and the same character?  If the latter, then for the logline select the one term most relevant to the plot.  Also, it’s not clear what, if anything, the artifacts have to do with resurrecting the lover.  Are the artifacts needed to resurrect the lover?  Or is that another task?  And if they are separate task-goals, which one is the more important?

        A logline should describe a plot.  And  plot concern the pursuit of a single, primary objective goal?  So what’s the single, primary objective goal?  Whatever it is, that’s the only one relevant to the logline.

        fwiw

        Singularity Answered on June 4, 2019.

        Good points here – that refers to two people, yes. I was also totally stuck on how to make the bounty hunter and the kingslayer sound like separate people – though it assumes that the Kingslayer is helping the bounty hunter resurrect his dead life, when in turn she wants to undo her own issues. Should I just include one person instead, the main character being the bounty hunter?

        Also, the artifacts act more like “offerings/keys” for the mysterious land.  The artifacts are needed to find the location of the land and also serve as offerings, so you would put your offerings (the artifacts) and state your wish. The land can grant any wish, I just made it so that the main character would want to travel there to wish to bring back his dead lover. So I think that what would be more important in that case is bringing back his dead lover, as that’s his motive. Getting the artifacts is just the means to an end, should that make sense.

        So the single primary objective goal is to get the artifacts which will serve as offerings, and then make his wish to resurrect his late lover.

        on June 4, 2019.

        Take two –

        In his search for the land fabled to grant any wish, a bounty hunter must find sacred artifacts to resurrect his late lover while the crown’s inquisitors pursue him.

        on June 4, 2019.

        BTW, if you ever find yourself in the same situation, you just need to change, “A bounty hunter and a kingslayer” to “A bounty hunter ‘teams with’ a kingslayer” 

        on June 4, 2019.

        That’s incredibly helpful, thank you!

        on June 4, 2019.
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          Richiev to the rescue with a useful tip  about using “teams with” !

          Libari,

          What about something along the line of:

          In a fabled land, a bounty hunter must find a sacred artifact to resurrect his late lover before the crown’s inquisitor does.

          A plot is enhanced when both the protagonist and antagonist are fighting  for the same goal, aka: the McGuffin principle, as articulated by Alfred Hitchcock.  The inquisitors could be out to kill him, too, but the common objective goal driving both of them is the grand prize of the artifact.

          However, for that to work, the inquisitor would also desperately need to possess the artifact for some evil purpose.  Not just to deprive the bounty hunter.   Whatever that may be, my point is that it’s important the antagonist have as much skin in the game in possessing the artifact as does the protagonist.

          It would also  intensify dramatic tension if the inquisitor is implicated in the murderer of the bounty hunter’s late lover.

          fwiw

          Singularity Answered on June 4, 2019.

          Hit the best answer option on accident but I think that works as well! Do you think that the “before the crown’s inquisitor does” sorta implies that the crown’s inquisitor wants to resurrect his late lover?

          Shall/Should I also include the king slayer as well? Might make it a lot longer since the king slayer has different motivations of wanting to undo her action of killing the king.

          Maybe for example, without stating her motivation as it’ll take longer –

          In a fabled land, a bounty hunter must find sacred artifacts to resurrect his late lover before the crown’s inquisitors do.

          Alternatively –

          In a fabled land, a bounty hunter teams up with a king slayer to find sacred artifacts and resurrect his late lover before the crown’s inquisitors do.

          on June 4, 2019.
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            Libari,

            I consider my suggestion “before the crown’s inquisitors do” to be dangling out there,  an incomplete sentence for you to finish.  I don’t know enough about your story to know why the inquisitor must find it, too.   All I know  is it makes for better drama if they both  MUST have the same thing.

            Either the artifact is a general wish-granting object (like  Aladdin’s lamp) or it is only good for one purpose, to raise the dead.  If it’s the latter, then who would the inquisitor want to resurrect?

            Well, the most obvious candidate would be the king the bounty hunter killed.  So he can wreak revenge on the bounty hunter. 

            Here’s another option: a tickling clock on the power of the artifact.  It can only resurrect the dead within X number of hours or days (not many).

            Both the true love and the king could have been killed around the same time, say in the same battle.  So both the protagonist and antagonist are racing against time to resurrect their preferred person.

            But it seems to me that there would need to be a bigger pay off for the inquisitor than having the king avenge his own death.  What’s in it for inquisitor?  What’s his selfish agenda?  What makes the king’s death a personal offense, not just a legal one?   Why did the bounty killer kill the king in the first place?  What did the inquisitor lose by the king’s death?  What does he stand to gain personally by resurrecting him?  What does he stand to gain personally by killing the bounty hunter?

            I’m just spit balling.  My takeaway is that the king’s death in the past (back story) is of dramatic import to the degree it comes back to haunt the protagonist in the present tense of the plot.

            FWIW

            Singularity Answered on June 4, 2019.

            Thanks for the suggestions!

            Either the artifact is a general wish-granting object (like  Aladdin’s lamp) or it is only good for one purpose, to raise the dead. 

            I feel it’d be better to go with a general wish-granting object. Now, for raising the dead, this works for both the protagonist and the antagonist – however not the secondary protagonist (the Kingslayer) who wants her wish of never being a knight of the King granted, so she would feel no guilt when the Kingdom falls into chaos.

            But it seems to me that there would need to be a bigger pay off for the inquisitor than having the king avenge his own death.  What’s in it for inquisitor?  What’s his selfish agenda?  What makes the king’s death a personal offense, not just a legal one?   Why did the bounty killer kill the king in the first place?  What did the inquisitor lose by the king’s death?  What does he stand to gain personally by resurrecting him?  What does he stand to gain personally by killing the bounty hunter?

            Those are very good questions you’ve got about the inquisitor – I’ve no definitive answer yet, so I’ll definitely have to go back and think a heavy bit about them. Perhaps the King’s death has to do with the main character’s dead lover knowing too much about something. For instance – the King secretly wants Iridescia for his own evil purposes of controlling the world at hand. The main character’s dead lover finds out about this, and is a beat away from reporting it until the inquisitor kills her. The main character believes the King is at fault, resulting in the main character and the Kingslayer killing the King and throwing the Kingdom into chaos. In this way it plays off  your last comment with the inquisitor being responsible for the main character’s dead lover’s death.

            I’m just spit balling.  My takeaway is that the king’s death in the past (back story) is of dramatic import to the degree it comes back to haunt the protagonist in the present tense of the plot.

            So I had actually had something close to this. I had originally planned for him to clear his name from the Kingdom, but instead he would be shown his suppressed memories of actually having played a significant role in assassinating the King and throwing the Kingdom into chaos, which could have to do with his lover dying because of him. Perhaps in some way, his lover’s death is his own fault. In turn, the Kingslayer, who wishes she never became a knight, loses her memory of ever serving in Randall’s Kingdom.

            I think this could be a simple fix – rather than having him have suppressed memories of killing the King, simply begin with the backstory, spanning from when the main character becomes a knight first serving the King to when he kills the King, loses his lover and becomes a bounty hunter. The main character could become a bounty hunter as a result of aimlessly living after escaping the Kingdom and going into hiding and needing money.

            I’d need to find out why the secondary protagonist had a role in killing the King, as well. I was thinking there was more of a sympathetic or tragic reason, similar to the bounty hunter losing his wife.

            Take three – 

            A kingslayer races against time to find an artifact capable of bringing back his dead lover and preventing the resurrection of her murderer, the King.

            on June 4, 2019.
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