TOPSHELFMIKELogliner Posted: January 8, 20202020-01-08T09:26:28+10:00 2020-01-08T09:26:28+10:00In: HorrorIntroverted twins move to a new town where they endure (racially motivated) harassment; one finally decided to fight back.Introverted twins move to a new town where they endure (racially motivated) harassment; one finally decided to fight back.? ShareFacebook5 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentTOPSHELFMIKE 5 Loglines 1 Review 1 Best Answer 116 Points View ProfileBest Answer TOPSHELFMIKE Logliner 2020-01-08T10:15:19+10:00Added an answer on January 8, 2020 at 10:15 am Introverted twins move to a new town where they endure (racially motivated) harassment. When one twin is pushed to her breaking point the other finally decided to fight back.?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppMike Pedley United Kingdom (UK) 67 Loglines 651 Reviews 102 Best Reviews 51,084 Points View ProfileBest Answer Mike Pedley Singularity 2020-01-08T20:44:43+10:00Added an answer on January 8, 2020 at 8:44 pm This is kind of a cross between a logline and a tagline.Why twins? Why not just one person? If it has to be twins, why is just one fighting back? Why not both?“one finally decided to fight back”… how do they fight back? What do they do? A logline should give the reader a clear idea in their head what is happening. Since you put this in the Horror genre, I’m guessing it’s something grisly, but what? Does she hunt the racists down? Does she summon the dead with voodoo? Give us some specifics. Same with the harassment actually. What do they endure? Does someone shout names? Or do they get beaten up? Are they black and they’ve moved to a former confederate state? More specifics would make a big difference in understanding this story.Don’t put things in brackets. It makes it seem like a secondary thing whereas actually, the fact it’s a film about racism is fundamental to understanding the whole concept.Films like ‘Get Out’ have shown there is definitely a market for a racially motivated horror film so I’m intrigued to see where this goes.?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppTrix 4 Loglines 68 Reviews 13 Best Reviews 2,991 Points View ProfileBest Answer Trix Samurai 2020-01-09T00:43:44+10:00Added an answer on January 9, 2020 at 12:43 am I agree with everything mikepedley85 said. ? Also:Consider starting your logline with the breaking point moment – wouldn’t that be a more natural inciting incident than the town move?Why would ?one twin react when the other hits their breaking point? ?Surely the breaking point must then either be for them both, or for the one who is pushed?What is the racial motivation? ?One minority against another? White against black (or indeed, vice versa)?What is their goal? ?Justice? Retribution? Legal?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppdpg 105 Loglines 5,521 Reviews 557 Best Reviews 112,081 Points View ProfileBest Answer dpg Singularity 2020-01-09T06:54:53+10:00Added an answer on January 9, 2020 at 6:54 am (No need for parentheses.)Specifically how do they intend to fight back?? What’s their game plan, their m.o.?? What is their ultimate objective goal?What’s the story hook?? What is fresh and new, what sets this apart from all the other movie plots about people avenging an injury or injustice?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppRichiev 62 Loglines 3,399 Reviews 303 Best Reviews 81,544 Points View ProfileBest Answer Richiev Singularity 2020-01-09T10:22:20+10:00Added an answer on January 9, 2020 at 10:22 am You should give a face to the bad guy. A specific bad guy that is a focal point for the reader.It doesn’t mean this character is the only one harassing the twins, it just means he is the lead instigator or main Harasser.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to can add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?