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UnboundWriterLogliner
It’s the year 2030 and Teller is working at becoming Supreme Leader with the help of his good friends and the absurd seems to be working.
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I like this one word added on better.
It’s the year 2030 and Teller is working at becoming Supreme Leader with the help of his good friends and the absurd seems to be working beautifully.
What is the inciting incident that kicks off the plot, that motivates the protagonist to become “Supreme Leader”?? (See “Our Formula” .)
What’s are the stakes?? Why MUST he become Supreme Leader? (Even a comedy has to have stakes.)? What does stand to lose if he fails? Why should an audience care whether he succeeds or fails?
Who opposes him?? Who seems likely to defeat him?? If “the absurd seems to be working beautifully”– whatever that means — what is there to worry about?
And in loglines for fiction, main characters are defined in terms of their role in the plot (“ambitious comedian”, “failed actor”), not by name.
fwiw
Thanks for thinking about it and I will take yours as a real positive because thinking happened even enough to write on it. As to the tips I will in turn think about that too. Thanks
Okay done thinking 1, major event is the election to Supreme Leader role. 2. Main character Teller and his good friends are within it too 3. Action and goal is to become Supreme Leader and the comedy is the absurd way they are achieving the goal. Thanks for yours again I am always willing to re-analyze but this time I think it hits the marks.
>>absurd way
More absurd than how Trump got elected President in 2016?? Or? how Volodymyr Zelensky, a comedian, recently got elected President of Ukraine?? As they say, truth is stranger than fiction.
You gotta write what you wanna write.? But your fictional future has been eclipsed by present reality.? You premise will inevitably be compared to what is now playing out in real time before our eyes.? Your script has two hard acts to follow.? Just saying.
Today, I haven’t written outside of online in places like this. but yours, okay you are angry and deciding about something you haven’t even read. I understand that you have jumped to conclusions about so much and as is normally the case you are extremely wrong it is in fact political without any politics in reality. It is a comedy and seriously looks like you really need some. I almost want to send it to you but nope.? I’ve just decided not to take your “advice” it’s not that big a deal.
Using the name “Teller” works against this logline because when I hear that name I think of Teller from Penn and Teller.
Instead you should give a quick description of character, like a his main trait such as forceful, quirky, angry, shy…etc., And then maybe a job description. Is your lead a member of congress/politician, a banker, businessman, comedian?
In doing so, the reader will have a better idea of who the character is, because if you say, quirky comedian we will get one mental picture, if you say, angry banker we get a different mental picture.
Also, dpg gives good advice, and interpreting constructive criticism as anger is not a constructive method of improving the logline.
Hey thanks and as said I am thankful for the responses and “critiques” but hey I don’t believe that when someone leaves a cut me to pieces idea that is wrong on every level philosophically and otherwise that it means I must accept it. It has opened a dialogue and that for a writer is the goal is it not? We are all in the same boat and help comes in different forms as does those that well, let’s just say, it’s not help they are trying to give. I am open not naive. I welcome it but don’t swallow all given hook line and sinker. Does anyone? They thought the movie Titanic was a failure and it wasn’t. Whose to know? Really. But yes, I love the dialogue, this idea of mine apparently is on fire so yes, please let us all laugh at ourselves rather than the endless critiques.
Agree with all comments made by both dpg and Richiev.
“Absurd way” – A logline’s purpose is to give the reader a clear and concise summary of the story as a whole. By not unpacking “absurd way” and giving us something more descriptive and visual, we have to interpret that in our own way and that could be incredibly different from what you have in your head. It would be better to tell us what he is actually going to do since that is probably going to make up the majority of Act II if not more. If the reader (a producer) has problems visualising half of the story, then there’s a pretty big chance it’ll be a non-starter.
A film producer will decide your fate regarding this story on this one logline! They will decide on something they haven’t even read… that’s the nature of the business! They will jump to conclusions and make assumptions if you let them. This one sentence is potentially the only chance you have at selling this story… so surely it’s worth considering that this logline isn’t the best it can be just yet.
The comments people leave on this site are neither wrong nor right. They are merely individual interpretations and ideas based on the information given to them. If that’s different to what’s in your head then I would say keep working on the logline until people are on the same page as you. You have the choice to take the advice or leave it but ALL the advice posted here comes from storytellers like you who want to see good original ideas progress and evolve into something special.
Hope this helps.
Unboundwriter,
I’m not angry.
I was just saying.
All I know about your story is what the logline says.? I can’t read between the lines; I can’t read? your mind; I can’t know all the brainstorming and creative thinking you’ve put into your idea.? And neither can anyone else reading your logline.? All they can do is take at face value what the logline says.
?A logline has to stand on its own as one short statement that sells your story idea, that makes someone want to read the script. That’s an admittedly daunting challenge.
If you can write a comedy more absurd than the present state of affairs, more power to you.? I welcome having my assessment of a story’s prospects proven wrong.? So prove me wrong!
regards
Glad this lightened it up,? I like the peace pipe.? I also realize now that the Supreme Leader phrase might make some mistake the comedy within. But so far whatever is driving the attention that is beyond average I say great, I’ll stick with that.
HOLY MOLY I missed one, okay look, what are you all triggered about? Seriously okay you want to school me, but lest we forget where this began .the story here is that one writer decided to do kill bill on every logline, well not every one, but more than 10 literally in a row over a short period of time. So that’s the “review” you are standing up for. Next I did something innocuous, despite the fact that I recognized his rampage. He then rampaged more and missed the whole point which most rampages are guilty of. Then more came in, and said, “conform” to saying NOTHING when someone goes after you, regardless of whether it is actually unfair or not. Then the rest came in NO you must submit! You must stay SILENT! Wtf? I’m a WRITER the whole and entire purpose of me is to NOT stay silent. I talk, think and feel as do we all, or did we all forget that part?? Yep so no I am not quiet, i am not silent, I am not numb, I am a writer. Thanks all, I write on as? always do and always will.
To those that hissed that whatever I may do is doomed you should all know that today this very script got selected to be on a site that only accepts a few and is highly respected in this game. They read the script not the log line and because of you triggered lot I changed the log line to some degree because triggering is not my goal here it’s laughter.