“Liam Santos comes to town to become a great artist, there he meets and falls in love with Fabio Grun, a successful young lawyer.  A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one of them can live thanks to the heart of one of them and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. —

    Penpusher Posted on April 17, 2020 in Drama.
    Add Comment
    3 Review(s)

      An interesting idea, but the concept needs a bit more work. A car accident might leave a person brain dead and make them an organ donor candidate, but a car accident is very unlikely to leave a person with a damaged heart that requires replacement. Also, any donor heart would go to the person at the top of the waiting list, not the person in the next room.

      What might make sense is if one of the couple has heart disease and is on a waiting list for a new heart. Then, you could have a situation in which the healthy person dies in an accident, and their heart is transplanted into their sick lover’s chest. (It’s still a stretch as there are donor compatibility issues, but the audience is likely to overlook that if you play it right.)

      As for the mechanics of loglines, replace proper names by character attributes, don’t give away the ending and keep the whole thing under 40 words (25 if possible).

      Mentor Answered on April 17, 2020.
      Thank you very much for your comments, they help me a lot. indeed the script was written with the help of a professional doctor on the subject, it can effectively run both tricks, in fact it is based on real events. Regarding organ donation, if it is between family members, he has the right to decide if the heart is destined for the couple, and in this case it was, effectively after seeing the blood guy and the heart’s compatibility and seeing that was fully compatible. It will be about a 1:35 minute movie but the logline does not fit all the information.

      Thank you very much for your comment, I appreciate it, I’m already working on improving it.

      on April 18, 2020.

      what do you thinks this ones:

      “A fatal accident tries to separate a love without limits between an emerging artist and a promising lawyer. But destiny and medicine will help that love live thanks to the heart of the other and thus be able to fulfill the dreams of both.”

      “An emerging artist comes to town to become an art star, but it won’t be easy for him, there he meets and falls in love with a promising young lawyer. A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one can live thanks to the heart of the other, and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. “

       

      on April 18, 2020.
      Add Comment

        We don’t need names in a logline or any of the back story.

        Who’s the actual protagonist here? From what I can tell, both your leads end up in a coma within the first act. That suggests to me that this story is actually about someone else who has to make the decision about which of these two should live and which should give his heart to the other. I really love that dilemma by the way, but their goal to “fulfil their dreams” is completely out of the control of either of these two characters. What’s going to be happening on screen while these two are in a coma? I feel like this logline is merely a summary of act I making way for the actual protagonist of the movie to step forward at the break.

        Consider doing this from the perspective of the person in charge of making that decision, or the doctor in charge of getting the families to make that decision – however you see it working. One person must be at the centre of this dilemma and his story is the most interesting in my opinion.

        Definitely keep playing with this idea. Hope this helps.

        Singularity Answered on April 18, 2020.
        Thank you very much for your comments, they really help me a lot.
        indeed, the main theme is a love story between two men from very different worlds, one of them is an artist and struggles to take his art to the top, both are the portagonists of the story, the parents of both are also important characters and the doctor, but in the logline the idea is that. they are two true stories united in one story. people who have read it have been very excited about the story.
        on April 18, 2020.

        what do you thinks this ones:

        “A fatal accident tries to separate a love without limits between an emerging artist and a promising lawyer. But destiny and medicine will help that love live thanks to the heart of the other and thus be able to fulfill the dreams of both.”

        “An emerging artist comes to town to become an art star, but it won’t be easy for him, there he meets and falls in love with a promising young lawyer. A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one can live thanks to the heart of the other, and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. “

        on April 18, 2020.
        Add Comment

          Please take a look at the “Formula” link at the top of the page. A logline should be written from the viewpoint of the main character. As concisely as possible, it should tell us something about the MC, the inciting incident that kickstarts the story, and the MC’s objective given the inciting incident. None of your suggested loglines gives us the information needed to evaluate the story.

          I think that in your case, the MC is the one who survives, so write the logline from the viewpoint of the survivor. Mike Pedley has suggested is may be someone else altogether, if so write the logline from the POV of that person.

          Remember, a logline is not a tagline. Taglines are designed to attract audiences. That is where you use flowery phrases like “A fatal accident tries to separate a love without limits”. A logline should be more objective.

          Mentor Answered on April 19, 2020.

          Thank you for your comments, I thank you for continuing to appear.
          There are two main characters, since they, the incident is the car accident, and I can not reveal who the survivor is, because that is revealed at the end of the movie that it will be who fulfills the dreams of both. Thank you very much for your tips.

          on April 19, 2020.

          So what happens between the accident and the end of the movie?

          At the moment your drama has no obvious drama, it has only tragedy, but tragedy alone is, as Sorkin is fond of saying, nothing more than journalism. Drama requires intention (for good or bad) and obstacles that can be overcome through individual volition. The two protagonists in your story are passive. They have an accident and each waits inside their comma to be saved.

          If this is , as you imply, a true story, then what you have here is nice documentary.

          on April 19, 2020.
          Add Comment

          Your Review

          By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.