Logline: A junior level cyber crimes investigator races against the clock to track down a sadistic online stalker before he strikes his next chosen victims, her family.

SSalvatore Logliner Asked on October 22, 2018 in Horror.
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4 Review(s)

At the moment, this generates more questions than curiosity.

Stalking is an online aggravation, to be sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s a threat to limb and life.  If her family’s life is in mortal jeopardy, then then he’s more than a stalker, he’s a killer and the logline needs to make that threat clearer.  IOW:  what does “strike his next victims” mean?

Also, how exciting is it to watch someone tracking down a threat by keystroking and mouse clicking?  And how does the audience even understand what all those keystrokes and mouse clicks mean?  We can guess that later or sooner she will meet the menace face to face, but until then what is there visually and dramatically to engage and hold our interest?  That’s a narration issue that seems  to arise out of the premise.  

dpg Singularity Reviewed on October 23, 2018.
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How does she knows this killer is tracking her family? Finding this should be the inciting incident. What does she do to prevent this? Who helps her? Is she alone in this? Does the family know about it? Why is the killer so interested in her and her family?

Mandavirmais Samurai Reviewed on October 23, 2018.
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One more thing, saying there is a ticking clock is different than having a ticking clock

You say the lead character ‘races against the clock’ which is good, a well done ticking clock can give the story a certain immediacy.
However you should word it differently, you should say, the lead character only has ‘twenty-four hours’ (Or whatever the timeframe is in your story)

Telling us the specific amount of time instead of a more generic, ‘races against the clock’ will help the logline but without adding much to the word count.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on October 24, 2018.
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Your logline is missing the stakes.

If you are being stocked online. You simply block them.

What specific bad thing will the online stalker do?
What bad thing will happen if the lead character fails?
Why can’t they just block the stalker?

What are the stakes?

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on October 23, 2018.
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