Looking for advice/approval on the following logline I created. Thank you!!“After being turned into a beast in a neo-gothic world, a fearless woman disguised as a woman seeks revenge against the cult who sacrificed her during the next hunt.”What do you think? criticism and help would be greatly appreciated. 

    Penpusher Posted on May 26, 2019 in Horror.

    I’m sorry I meant to type ”  a fearless beast” not “a fearless woman”

    on May 26, 2019.
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      I would watch your tenses:

      “…against the cult who sacrificed her (Past tense, this already happened) during the ‘next’ hunt.” (Future tense, it hasn’t happened yet)

      This is very confusing for the reader.

      Singularity Answered on May 26, 2019.
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        As Richiev said, the logline is confusing.   It’s unclear to me what the story is about. The woman is turned into a beast — but is now disguised as a woman?   Say what?

        And if she was sacrificed ,how can she be alive to get revenge?  Again, say  what?

        Singularity Answered on May 26, 2019.
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          I agree with the other comments – the mix of tenses make it confusing to read. Also, could you give the woman an adjective to describe her? I wasn’t sure if the Neo-gothic world is a version of Earth, or a different planet (in which case I’d probably just say that. Also, does she have to take revenge on the cult before they do the same to someone else?

           

          Samurai Answered on May 29, 2019.
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