Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must cooperate with an alien rebels to find a way home.
Foxtrot25Uberwriter
Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must cooperate with an alien rebels to find a way home.
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Are the “alien rebels’ rebelling against homo sapiens or against another space species? ?If the latter, then what’s the dramatic problem? ?If the former, why would the rebels cooperate with a species they are rebelling against?
The plot line sets up a situation, but I’m not sure what is the dramatic problem (the relationship between the 2 species) that arises on top of the initial dramatic problem (lost in space).
How about:
Lost in deep space, a rescue ship is forced to side with rebels and fight alien conquerors before they can? safely return home.
Thx in advance.
I think I like this one more:
?Lost in deep space, a rescue ship is forced to side with rebels to battle alien conquerors before they can safely return home.?
This adds more of the “Character” that Karel speaks of in his formula:
?Lost in deep space, the gallant crew of a rescue ship is forced to side with rebels and battle alien conquerors before they can safely return home.?
Does it work to build intrigue?
“Forced to side” ?seems weak. ?Isn’t what they must do is fight with the rebels. ?And what “forces” them to get involved — what is the inciting incident? ?Being lost seems to be their initial predicament rather than the inciting incident. The ?inciting incident?would be the event that forces them to detour for the length of the 2nd Act (at least) through the battlefield of the aliens.
(And what is the “McGuffin” ?the rebels ?have that the humans need to get back home? And what is the “McGuffin” that the humans have that the rebels need to win their battle? ?Both sides MUST need each other to achieve their respective objective goals.)
I’m up to this, with thanks from all of your ideas…
?Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must side with alien rebels to battle ruthless conquerors in exchange for the advanced technology needed to return home.?
Been using this to pitch with:
?Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must side with alien rebels to battle ruthless conquerors in exchange for the advanced technology needed to return home.?
Hmmm, cooperate seems a bit weak perhaps
Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must chose sides in an alien rebellion against another species if they wish to return ?home
I’ve offered you an edit before but here is another, thanks for reading mine.
The crew of a deep space rescue ship have one choice, reveal their home planet’s location to alien marauders or remain lost in space forever.
Thanks for the assistance, Kaz.
I’ve been using this lately:
Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must side with alien rebels and defeat ruthless conquerors to hopefully claim the advanced technology needed to return home.
works for me
When a lost space driver meets an alien rebel possessing the tech to locate home, she battles alongside him against his evil overlord to obtain it
(26W)
Or
A lost space captain battles alongside an alien rebel against his evil overlord in exchange for the radar tech to return home
(22W)