On a deserted hot planetoid, a lonely robotic puppy tries to befriend an android visitor. His attempts at friendship are rebuffed until he is put a life and death choice. When the pup gives up his very own battery, his last hope comes from a within mysterious spherical chamber.

    Penpusher Posted on August 5, 2016 in Family.
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    5 Review(s)

      And you should really leave some reviews on other people’s loglines. The rule is leave 2 reviews for every 1 logline you post and you’ve posted a lot just today.

      Mentor Answered on August 5, 2016.
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        For a logline it’s probably best if you try and put it into one sentence. Try:

        When a lonely robotic dog on a deserted planet finds himself in his last battery he befriends a rover send from light years away in an attempt to steal his spare battery. 

        Mentor Answered on August 5, 2016.
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          On a deserted hot planetoid, a lonely robotic puppy tries to befriend an android visitor.

          For the purpose of a logline that’s the core of the plot.

          >>His attempts at friendship are rebuffed until he is put a life and death choice.

          Second act complications, part of the script of course, but extraneous to the purpose of a logline.

          >>When the pup gives up his very own battery,

          A critical second act, midpoint or thereafter, moment.  But a logline should not reveal, hint or suggest that moment.

          >>his last hope comes from a within mysterious spherical chamber.

          This appears to be tipping the hand as to the  3rd act resolution.  A logline should  never reveal, hint or suggest what the 3rd act resolution may be.

          fwiw

          Singularity Answered on August 5, 2016.
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            Just curious, is the puppy the lead character?

            Singularity Answered on August 5, 2016.
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              As your loglines part with industry convention and attract similar, if not identical, comments on a regular basis. It seems as if you haven’t read (despite many recommendations) the Training tab on the top bar.

              Here are a few pointers to help you in future logline drafts:

              1 – Keep it short, ideally as close as possible to 25 words.
              2 – Describe ONLY the main characters and major plot points of the story – protagonist, antagonist (if necessary), inciting incident, main action and goal.
              3 – Stick to the following formula: After an inciting incident motivates a flawed main character, he or she MUST undertake action to achieve a compelling goal.
              4 – Lastly, clarity is all – eliminate vague or generic descriptions.

              Singularity Answered on August 6, 2016.
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