On a post-apocalyptic Earth with one side continually facing the sun, a gritty outsider and the metaphysical representation of his soul are forced into facing a new tyrannical regime that threatens the last remains of humanity.
Ok… so what’s he gonna do about it? What’s his goal? He’s currently a passive protagonist – big no-no! The hero should never be forced to do anything. He should do it because that’s his choice. Who’s forcing him? Why this guy? Why does he HAVE to be the hero?
Why does this story have to be set in a post-apocalyptic Earth with one side facing the sun? All the elements in a logline should have some cohesion otherwise it tends to feel a bit unclear. With this in mind, I don’t understand what the purpose is of our MC travelling with a metaphysical representation of his soul. What form does it take? What do we see on screen?
I can’t help but think, if a meteor crashed into Earth with enough force to stop its rotation (it spins at 1100 mph… that’s pretty nuts!) then surely all life on earth would be obliterated in an instant.
I think the world building stuff at present is simply a situation that holds no bearing on the plot. It sounds cool (feasibility irrelevant) but in my head, this would set up a light dwellers vs dark dwellers conflict. The world MUST influence the plot. If you can take it out of this environment and put it in a completely different one – still post-apocalyptic – then it needs more thinking. It may be that there is a connection and it’s simply not in the logline. My advice would be to put it in so the reader understands why this story must be told in this world.
Hope this helps.