Picked up by social services after years of living off the grid, a veteran suffering from PTSD and his teenage daughter struggle to integrate into society.
I take your point, Karel. Maybe:
Picked up by social services after years of living together off the grid, a teenage girl struggles to live a normal life with a father who cannot.
I loved the film, too. Brought back memories of living off the grid. And I am a fan of the director, Debra Granik.
The story sounds intriguing, but at the moment the protagonist seems passive. You could move the protagonist to the start of the logline to make him sound more active, and the idea that he’s ‘picked up’ is passive. I think you could include what his goal is specifically as ‘struggle to integrate into society’ is a bit too vague. What is the conflict? Can you make more of how the PTSD affects him achieving his goal?
Debra Granik is a genius. WINTER’S BONE was far more traditional in structure, and therefore easier to capture in a logline. Have you done one yet? 😉
I think the girl’s goal in LNT is to find a home and settle there, very specifically. That’s why her unconscious action leads to them being discovered.
And her father’s (open-ended) goal is NOT to settle anywhere.
She wants to stay at the first place they’re brought to. Then in the third act, she decides to stay.
Yes, I have a logline for “Winter’s Bone “. It’s a personal favorite, and I agree that it’s more conventional structure makes it easier to logline.
>>> That’s why her unconscious action leads to them being discovered.
Hmm. I see it differently. It’s established that they are squatting in public parkland frequented by visitors and patrolled by park personnel. So there is an ongoing risk of their being discovered. Which is why the father does hiding drills. The story sets up the plausibility and probability of being inadvertently discovered. And as it turns out, they are both sniffed out by a tracking dog when they try to hide from the rangers.
By “struggles to live a normal life with a father who cannot.” I meant to say that getting picked up precipitates a crisis in their relationship, a growing tension between her desire to live a normal life and his inability to do so. So how to convey that in a one concise sentence?
Whatever, my m.o. has evolved such that I believe it’s more important for a logline to sell the sizzle than describe the steak. The sizzle in this story is that it’s about a daughter and father who have been living off the grid for years.