Pitted in a spiritual batle against their evil cyborg uncle and his dark, sinister master, two spiritually gifted twin seek solace as they fight to avenge thier mother’s murder and find fabled elemental orbs.

    GeneSalvitti Logliner Asked on May 18, 2017 in SciFi.
    Add Comment
    3 Review(s)

      I am not sure what a spiritual battle is… Do they hit people over the head with bibles. Do they have Angels at their command? Are they Ghosts?

      Richiev Singularity Reviewed on May 18, 2017.
      Add Comment

        Agreed with Richiev.

        Clarity is key in a logline, unfortunately, it’s severely lacking in this case.

        Here are a few of the questions this logline raises, which put the concept into doubt:

        If he’s a cyborg why would he be affected by a spiritual fight?

        What is a spiritual fight?

        Is the uncle the antagonist or his dark master?

        Why two main characters when the plot could work just as well with one?

        Which is their primary goal; to find solace, defeat the antagonist or find the orbs?

        Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on May 18, 2017.
        Add Comment

          Agreed with Richiev and Nir, so many of these elements seem to be randomly placed into the story. Not saying it won’t work on some level, but for this logline, it really is a mouthful to read.

          What about thise orbs are important?

          Foxtrot25 Summitry Reviewed on May 18, 2017.
          Add Comment

          Your Review

          By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.