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MovieGirlLogliner
Posted: March 28, 20162016-03-28T02:05:57+10:00 2016-03-28T02:05:57+10:00In: Drama

Radical insurgent falls in love with an American hostage and as his ideology falters he must orchestrate her escape before his kingpin brother masterminds a major terrorist plot that implicates and kills them both.

Garden of Eden

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    3 Reviews

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    1. Best Answer
      CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-03-28T08:07:09+10:00Added an answer on March 28, 2016 at 8:07 am

      If he falls in love and helps her escape, his faltering is evident. Is the story about them falling in love or the escape?

      Orchestrates seems like he is pulling the strings but not involved.

      Masterminds is not the exercution of the plan. Make more action based and the ticking clock becomes important.

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    2. Best Answer
      dpg Singularity
      2016-03-28T08:12:43+10:00Added an answer on March 28, 2016 at 8:12 am

      Two suggestions.

      Either:

      When a?terrorist’s faith?in a radical cause falters after falling in love with?an American hostage, he has 48 hours to free her before his mastermind brother executes a? plot that will kill them both.
      (36 words)

      Or:

      When a?terrorist falls in in love with?an American hostage, he has 48 hours to free her before his mastermind brother executes a? plot that will kill them both.
      (29 words)

      His faltering faith could certainly be part of the story (as a result of the persuasive arguments — and charms –of the America captive) but I ‘m not certain it’s necessary for the logline.? It seems to me the??core of the dramatic dilemma is embodied in the stakes character — the female hostage whose life he must save.

      Save before it’s too late:? I tossed in a ticking clock to amp up dramatic tension and urgency.? Whatever deadline you find suitable, I think the story needs to have a ticking clock.? He only has “X” amount of time — and it’s not enough– to find a away? to free her (and himself).

      Anyway, this is a movie I would like to see.? Best wishes.

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    3. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-03-29T09:47:53+10:00Added an answer on March 29, 2016 at 9:47 am

      Agreed with the above.

      You have two stories in your logline – a love story and a thriller, which is the A plot and which is the B plot?

      Best to re structure the logline (see DPG’s suggestions) to emphasize the A plot.

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