re-edit
After his wife is murdered a brilliant scientist travels back in time again and again to try and save her, slowly mutating into a hideous monster. He uncovers his wife?s secret life and in his anger kills her. Grief stricken he returns one more time to change the past
music1358Logliner
re-edit After his wife is murdered a brilliant scientist travels back in time again and again to try and save her, slowly mutating into a hideous monster. He uncovers his wife?s secret life and in his anger kills her. Grief stricken he returns one more time to change the past
Share
Pssst. Uhm. *nudge* You?re actually supposed to edit the title of you original thread rather than post a new one.
Definitely juicy material in this one. Trick is to summarize it now. Hmmm.
what part of the story does he discover her secret in?
A time traveling scientist, beginning to mutate into a monster, kills his wife, which he tried to rescue, in rage and has one last attempt to undo events.
A bit iffy, and took a slight liberty. Anything good in there though?
“A time traveller investigating his wife’s absence encounters a monster with a familiar face, who knows too much about their private life”
That he’s the monster;
That he uncovers his wife’s secret life
(and that’s why he killed her);
That grief stricken he returns once more to change the past;
Is detail for film, not the logline
PS. I think it’s a good film
Take 2
The time traveller investigating his wife’s absence encounters a familiar face with intricate details of their personal life and must chase him in other timelines to unravel the mystery
(29 Words)
Tricky. He need to save her. Keep himself from killing her. Was that the original cause of death? I?m assuming, you have a way for him to un-monster himself before the last attempt? Or does he have to do it in monster mode?
A time traveling scientist, repeatedly attempting to stop his wife?s murderer, has one last chance, to stop a mutated version of himself.
A ‘brilliant’ scientist travels back in time repeatedly to save his wife from being murdered. His unsuccessful attempts accidentally unravels his ‘wife’s secret life’ and, in turn he ends up killing? her himself. Grief stricken, he must resolve his appalling loop of life, one last time.
(Note: My first attempt for suggestion, correct me if wrong.)
LOG LINE:
With the grounds that the loop is being created with non-theoretical explanations (think: Predestination); one must not state the character’s transformation that the scientist turns into monster in LOG-LINE. It is a journey which audience must come across in the bigger picture. Stating the idea about who the wife’s murderer is, must do. Scientist turning into a monster can be shown as a inner conflict while structuring the script.
ADJECTIVES:
1. For more clear flow of idea ‘Wife’s secret life’ must have an adjective for e.g., instead of ‘secret’ make it treacherous or perfidious or deceitful or dishonest (my preference) whatever the case maybe.
2. Explaining the scientist as brilliant is silly. He is a SCIENTIST, he is supposed to be brilliant. You can try Persistent or Pertinacious or Determined or any other quality that describes your scientist’s character.
Inciting incident, Key Incident and a Dramatic Premise (revolving around stated conflict): This must reflect from a log-line.
Inciting Incident: Wife’s murder.
Key Incident: Scientist’s decision to travel back time and stop the murder.
Dramatic Premise: To Save his wife from being murdered.
Your log line states all this things which reflects a good 120 minutes drama. Good Luck!
APPROACH #1 LOG-LINE:
Writing a log-line and staying in that confined idea is a must. When you write the script you may find shortage of conflicts. Do not engage the script with non-plot conflicts.
APPROACH #2 STORY-LINE OR STEP OUTLINE:
Sometimes log-lines restrict your ideas to certain cubicle thoughts. You do not have space to think bigger. In such difficulties you can always write story or step outline (nearly 20-25 pages) and then, later, catch up with your main idea of the story and convert it into a LOG-LINE. (It is a better approach)