Recently hired as a lounge bartender, an American expatriate is unceremoniously thrust into the no-holds-barred criminal underworld of Japan when he discovers that the residential hotel he works in is controlled by a major crime syndicate. Now moonlighting as a Yakuza enforcer, the expatriate must deal with violent lieutenants, manipulative allies, corrupt officials and seductive women all while trying to solve the murder of an old acquaintance.

    After Dark

    Penpusher Posted on May 11, 2015 in Public.
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    4 Review(s)

      Once he is an enforcer I take it his bar duties cease? That might be where the story actually starts. His entire goal is to find his friends killer. That is the story. Write that. Drop the other stuff. The murder is the gift, everything else is wrapping paper.

      The other question why does he want to solve it and is there a time component?

      “Working as a yakuza enforcer in Japan an American puts his own life on the hunting his friends killer”.

      May not be your story. But you get the point. Go for the throat. Grab the readers attention, everything else is for the synopsis.

      Singularity Answered on May 11, 2015.
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        I am wondering if the logline needs to address why he is an expatriate. Why would he want to become an enforcer? Are they responsable for the friends death? Is he trying to take the organization down from within? I’m just trying to understand what one has to do with the other.

        Samurai Answered on May 11, 2015.
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          Everything before “… moonlighting as a Yakuza enforcer…” needs to be f**ked off…

          That’s where your story starts.

          Logliner Answered on May 11, 2015.
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            What Lucius Paisley said. The logline is about the plot, the front story, not the backstory, and plot commences begins when he starts moonlighting as a Yakuza enforcer.

            Singularity Answered on May 12, 2015.
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