Darrin Nightingale Asked: November 24, 20122012-11-24T21:49:27+10:00 2012-11-24T21:49:27+10:00In: PublicRESUBMISSION: When the government embarks on a genocidal programme against junkies, a self-righteous policeman battles to save his drug using sister.Carrion ShareFacebook6 ReviewsVotedOldestRecent [Deleted User] 2012-11-24T22:19:55+10:00Added an answer on November 24, 2012 at 10:19 pm Is it possible to use a different word for “junkies”?Then you won’t have to use the term “drug using”, since most people would correctly assume that she is a drug user.For instance – “…genocidal programme against drug abusers, a self-righteous policeman battles to save his sister.”Also, who is the policeman battling against exactly? The government? His police force? Drug abusers? I think some clarity here may also help.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsApp 2012-11-25T01:08:03+10:00Added an answer on November 25, 2012 at 1:08 am I still think the self righteousness works best as a part of the battle and not a character description.When the government embarks on a genocidal program against junkies, a/an policeman must confront the system and his own self-righteousness to save his drug using sister.insert: in your face, hard nosed, street hardened, crusty, old, jaded, tough as nails, washed up…I don’t know how you make it work with the sister. Siblings, having grown up together, aren’t usually very tolerant of the ‘choices’ their siblings make – hence the self righteous ‘you suffer the consequences of your choices’ attitude. It might work better to make it a niece or granddaughter. I would think the extra bit of seperation would actually aid in his conversion… or the widow of his OD’ed brother if you want her to be his contemporary. Just some thoughts. That I have these thought may just mean you need to add a description to the sister other than drug using as her being one is implied by the fact that she needs saving from this program (and ‘program’ would be the Hollywood/Yankee spelling).0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsApp 2012-11-25T01:12:38+10:00Added an answer on November 25, 2012 at 1:12 am I had the word ‘insert’ bracketed by the less than greater than symbols between ‘a/an’ and policeman. The brackets must have ‘deleted’ that. So “insert” a description there or choose one of the cliches that I listed.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsApp 2012-11-26T19:26:11+10:00Added an answer on November 26, 2012 at 7:26 pm I think it’s the genocidal program that’s unclear. How about,‘When the government threatens to execute all junkies to stop a drug epidemic, a member of the arresting police force must battle his own self-righteousness in order to be able to save his sister.’I think sister is spot on. And she should be a younger sister who disobeyed all her bother’s so called ‘advice’. Of course, he never asks why she is doing what she does, just assumes it’s to show him up and embarrass him. He is a pretty narcissistic character, unable to empathise ? until this edict, of course.Anyway, just a suggestion.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppDarrin Nightingale 2 Loglines 8 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 0 Points View Profile Darrin Nightingale 2012-11-27T22:33:58+10:00Added an answer on November 27, 2012 at 10:33 pm As I understand it, genocide means “the deliberate killing of a large group of people, especially those of a particular ethnic group or nation.” Perhaps a more concise articulation of the governments intention is to say that the government is targeting junkies for genocide. The genocidal programme is a programme to kill anyone who takes drugs. It starts when the govenment release swarms of drug eating insects that go on to attack users. The government then deny medical attention those users. As the programme progresses the government declares martial law, sweep the city, shooting users on sight. Fundamentally the government’s intention is genocide. They intend to kill all junkies/drug users. Your understanding of the brother/sister relationship is spot on. There’s a fifteen year age difference between the two of them. So when their parents are killed in a car crash and he has to take care of her, it creates all kinds of tensions. Tensions that come to a head when he arrests his sister for possession at the beginning of the story. With that in mind, what about a logline that reads.When the government targets junkies for genocide, a self-righteous policeman fights to save his drug using sister.Thanks for your input.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppDarrin Nightingale 2 Loglines 8 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 0 Points View Profile Darrin Nightingale 2012-11-27T22:45:32+10:00Added an answer on November 27, 2012 at 10:45 pm I use the term junkies because it is more often than not it is used as a derogatory way to describe anyone who take illicit drugs. The government in the story views anyone who takes drugs as junkies. I use the term alternate “drug using” partly to make the point that not all drug users are junkies. But also to reiterate the point that you have a government agent, a prohibitionist, fighting to save a sister targeted for genocide. How about a logline that reads?When the government targets junkies for genocide, a self-righteous policeman fights to save his drug using sister.Thanks for your input.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?