revised:Revised: Christ Jesus living under an alias is brutalized by two police officers this time he decides to fight back bringing him into a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter a police sergeant whose outcome will decide whether humanity lives or dies.

For the script CEMENT PILLOW

LucienYork Penpusher Asked on May 14, 2018 in SciFi.
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1 Review(s)

First As mentioned by Nir before, you should post your edited logline in the original thread or edit the original post.
Now on the logline itself, it is very confusing. On the top of this web page, there is a tab/button Our Formula. If you click on it, you will find a short description of how to write a sensible logline.
Your logline does not have a inciting incident (I can’t see a connection between fighting against two thuggish police officers and the fate of humanity), a protagonist (is it Jesus Christ or his daughter), an antagonist, a goal (does he still want to sacrifice himself, save humanity, sacrifice his daughter, …).
Also usually the logline indicates the genre (satire, comedy, western, science-fiction, thriller, drama, action, …), but ¬†your logline does not give any indication. What is it a satirical comedy or a drama?

Valentin Samurai Reviewed on May 15, 2018.

Yeah….definitely visit “Our Formula” tab

on May 16, 2018.
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