Rom-Com: THE DAY THE MUSIC STOPPED AN AGING ROCK GROUPIE can?t find a Band so she takes it out on every MAN she dates, until she dates a PSYCHIATRIST.

I think there’s some raw material for a good story, here. ?But I suggest the raw material needs sorting out, refining and restructuring to better conform to the industry standard format. (See under “Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines.)

What is the inciting incident that drives her to find a band?

As a result of that inciting incident what becomes her specific objective goal? ?”Find a band” is vague and “takes it out on every man she dates” ?is negative and destructive behavior; it clearly doesn’t qualify as an objective goal.

Well, what does? ?What specifically must she do to solve the problem created in the inciting incident?

“Until she dates a psychiatrist” suggest a mid-plot point. ?And it suggests the solution to her predicament. ?If that is the case, it constitutes a spoiler. Loglines should suggest a story arc, but loglines should never, never contain a spoiler, a clue or hint at how the story arc will terminate, how the dramatic problem will be resolved.

fwiw

Jackalboy11:

Then I suggest leading off with something like

“After being dropped as a groupie from the only band that would have her, a lonely [or some other vulnerability] middle aged woman [does something defined in terms of an objective goal].”

I’m not saying to drop the shrink from the plot if that’s the way you want to go. ? I’m merely suggesting he doesn’t need to be mentioned in the the logline.

What the logline does need to accomplish is send the groupie-reject off in pursuit of a specific goal to fulfill her obvious subjective need (for acceptance, love and all that). ?Maybe she’s destined to go through a series of Mr. Right’s until she meets-cute Mr. Right and and hilarity ensues. ?Whatever, leave that for the script.

As I said, I think you have a rough gem of a character for a story. ?But she needs polishing and setting within the context of an interesting plot. ?Best wishes with the story.