(Set in the late 19th century) To prevent the bank foreclosing on her family estate, a brilliant teenage biologist must travel to Australia to track down her missing parents, but discovers a world full of strange monsters and must create one of her own to survive.
The specific event that motivates her to create her own monster needs to be in the logline. Perhaps she’s attacked by a fill the gap creature and is locked inside her field lab with no other alternative but to create her own monster for protection. Kind of like Pokemon in the 19 century…
Either way, by the end of the logline she has two goals – still wants to find the parents and needs to survive. Which is the primary goal she pursues throughout most of the story?
Recommend that you don’t say “brilliant”. Focus on her desperation and situation urgency instead. Show her being brilliant/overcoming stuff. When I read this, I feel she will 100% succeed already. If she discovers a world full of magical creatures then why must she create one of her own when she can just take/train one?
As far as her parents go, she only tracks them down for financial reasons and not for love of family?
I like the idea of a teenage girl having to strike out on her own, venture into a strange new world of wonders and dangers, but like Nir Shelter I’m mystified as to what really is the primary dramatic problem. Also what is her starting point — where is she coming from at the start of the story?
I suggest the setup is overly complicated, unnecessarily so. Why waste time and pages about the business of the bank? Why not just cut to the chase ASAP? The inciting incident is that her parents have stopped communicating. No telegram or letter for months. To her or anyone else. She must find out what happened to them. And pack her off to the Down Under.
Whatever, the hook of the story is her fabricating her own hybrid sidekick. Frankly, all the yada yada about finding her parents can’t compare to it, may actually derail interest in your intended plot line.
What I don’t see is how it fits in “horror” story. The “monster” seems her ally — not her antagonist. Horror stories require a designated antagonist. Who is hers? No antagonist is designated in your logline. A world full of strange monsters” doesn’t fit the bill. Too general and too many, The logline doesn’t tell us who/what constitutes her singular, horrible threat, the entity that is out to kill her specifically.
Finally, genres have rules, expectations. One of the rules of the horror genre is that the exercise of god-like powers always has unintended and undesirable consequences. It’s an exercise in hubris, a violation of the natural order, and those who do so must pay for it. Dearly and (usually) finally with their lives.
Unquestionably, the teenage prodigy is exercising god-like powers, is violating the natural order in creating hybrid species by mere caprice . So, by the conventional rules of the horror genre, the teen prodigy has to be too smart for her own good. Sh*t happens, must happen as a result of her fooling around, her hubris. She’s gotta pay a terrible price for “messing with animals”.
I don’t see (yet) how how her story fits the requirements of the genre.