Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.

The_CNI Samurai Asked on December 30, 2018 in Fantasy.
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5 Review(s)

“Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.” (44 words)

Mentioning the Salem Witch trials means you don’t need to specifically include the date. Otherwise, the main problem is that you use terms which require the context of your story to understand. “Black Flame” means absolutely nothing to me. It’s a story-specific term which should be described generically in the logline.
The inciting incident is also not clear. It should be a single event which happens to the protagonist. For example, being accused of witchcraft and sentenced to death. 
‘Protect’ is not a great goal for a logline. The goal should be something which has a definitive ending, an objective which can be accomplished. For example, do they have a specific destination?

Dkpough1 Summitry Reviewed on December 31, 2018.
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Why did you post this a second time?

siberman Penpusher Reviewed on December 30, 2018.

I had a bad connection before and thought that this didn’t go through the first time. My bad I guess, not trying to spam.

on December 30, 2018.
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interesting idea. Not very knowlageable about loglines myself as of yet but this looks like it would be a cool film. Props! I would vote, only I can’t find the button to do so…

Chris_P Penpusher Reviewed on December 31, 2018.
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If the story is about the witches vs the wendigo then personally I’d consider scrapping the whole bit about the Salem Witch Trials. I get that it’s potentially important to the setting but the story doesn’t seem to really have anything to do with them and, in theory, could take place in any time or place. As Dkpough1 said, it actually confuses things by adding an additional inciting incident which is never resolved. If the trials come into play more then you need to figure out which story strand is the spine of the story and which is merely a subplot.

How about the witches unwillingly introduce the wendigo to the real world when they attempt to hide from the trials in an alternate dimension and come back to rescue the people of Salem cos… y’know… they’re nice witches. Just a thought.

Hope this helps.

mikepedley85 Mentor Reviewed on January 3, 2019.
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