Trapped in an abandon house by a storm two gangsters engage in a battle of wits and violence try to ensure their own safety regardless of whose side arrives first.

    The Storm

    Summitry Posted on April 30, 2019 in Noir.
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    6 Review(s)

      It’s true we don’t have to like a protag, but then we should relate to him in some way or see some hope in him.

      TV and movies are different and a bad guy movie protag is a rare success, even among the low-budget thrillers on Netflix. (Not bad for the writer to get produced and released on Netflix, the point is to consider if the story is as strong as it can be. ) However, Breaking Bad supports my point because we relate to Walter White in the pilot as a smart and nice family man who’s been dealt a bad hand in life, and then we relate to his motive of wanting to provide for his children. Something like Training Day with bad cop Denzel doesn’t even compare to this story because the audience relates to the co-lead Ethan Hawke’s character and he’s the one with the arc.

      With one being a snitch in hiding, it sounds like there is a grey-area guy the reader (not yet an audience!) will have hopes for, at least at the start.

      >> Hiding for years after being a snitch, a man is forced to provide refuge to an associate from his criminal past…

      Is this still in the warehouse during the storm? Say more than hiding, like what he does for work or if he’s literally on the run or doesn’t settle anywhere for long. Say more than associate or specify the past crime.

      >>He tries to leverage the criminal’s situation to his advantage triggering a battle of wills, threats and eventually death.

      Vague and confusing. Next attempt, add specifics. What is the snitch’s plan? What is his objective? What is the conflict, what makes it hard for him to achieve it? Don’t they both have leverage over each other, not just the snitch over the criminal? No need to reveal anything from Act III and improving the rest should imply it.

      Mentor Answered on May 4, 2019.

      Robb as the writer you are the only filmmaker. If you don’t write for the audience you will never have one.

      The person with my script in their hands has to know that I have considered every aspect of the film. That I have not left land mines. They are my collaborators in getting my story to an audience. They may choose to purchase it outright and good for them. But so far I have been retained for rewrites as casting moves ahead and locations and budgets change.

      To not have the final film in mind is a danger to the quality of the product you hope to produce.

      on May 6, 2019.

      Not sure what this is in response to, but I’m glad to hear the script has advanced to that point! (Next time, let us know the status upfront.)

      on May 14, 2019.
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        “When they are trapped in an old safe house by a hurricane, Two rival gangsters must work together to survive the encroaching ocean while each plots the demise of the other.”

        Singularity Answered on May 1, 2019.

        Thanks

        The storm is only there to stop them from leaving. They start out trying to kill each other. Then realise that if the opposition turns up first they’ll need the other person alive to vouch for them.

        Being gangsters no one wants to be first to seem weak. Hence the battle of wits.

        on May 1, 2019.
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          Two gangster from rival groups are trapped in an abandon house by a storm. They engage in a battle of wits and violence trying ensure their own safety regardless of which gang arriving first.

          Summitry Answered on May 1, 2019.
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            Good start.

            >> Then realise that if the opposition turns up first they’ll need the other person alive to vouch for them.

            When do they realize this? Seems it wouldn’t take long, but then what is the conflict if they do not  try to kill each other? What is the mental picture?

            With gangsters as co-leads, why should we care who wins? If there is a good guy who is a grey-area gangster, then flesh him out as so in the logline. Regardless, say more about both. Think of the character’s arc, the theme, etc.

            Mentor Answered on May 3, 2019.

            People love watching people they hate hurting each other. We don’t have to like someone to be entertained by them. Games of Thrones is an example, Breaking Bad is another example and the Joker is getting his own movie.

            Gangsters aren’t rational. They still want to have their pride and upper hand. Think of it as when you argue with your spouse or lives one. Those can last days, and no one is willing to blink.

            The story has evolved heaps. I’ll post a new version when I can find a way in.

            on May 3, 2019.

            In this version they had equal power in the relationship and it was about compromise.  I realised I needed a power imbalance.  Hence the new version.

            on May 3, 2019.
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              Hiding for years after being a snitch, a man is forced to provide refuge to an associate from his criminal past. He tries to leverage the criminal’s situation to his advantage triggering a battle of wills, threats and eventually death.

              Summitry Answered on May 3, 2019.

              I want the audience to struggle with “who is the worse person”.  Both people are bad. But who is least bad.

              As humans we try and find good in people.  Each of these characters are justified in their thinking, even if we don’t agree,

              on May 3, 2019.
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                I think it’s a solid idea, but would really require strong writing to pull it off. I would say a script like Reservoir Dogs would be a good script to reference for your writing.  The whole movie, for the most part, takes places in a warehouse and involves a similar battle of wits, however with more characters involved.

                 

                Penpusher Answered on May 11, 2019.

                Not really like Reservoir Dogs, but I can see why you may think it.  Tarantino has a film about a heist but we never see it.  This more about two man.

                They both have things in their past one got caught one got away with his crime. The man that was punished is now taking it out on the guy that got away.

                The audience is asked “who is worse”? The guy that was never punished but leads a good life now. Or a man that was punished and due to his bitterness is now acting bad.

                on May 11, 2019.
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