The televised poker tournament is on an hour break and the chip leader is locked in a utility closet; she hears a bomb ticking. Can she defuse it and get back in time to win?

Steve Penpusher Asked 5 days ago in Thriller.
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4 Review(s)

In general I would avoid rhetorical questions in a logline…

“Will our caped crusader finally meet his end?” “Will the Joker’s dastardly plan succeed?” Tune in next week, same bat channel, same bat time to find out.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed 5 days ago.
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This reads like a tagline instead of a logline.
Do you know the formula of proper loglines?
I also suggest you add some mystery or flaw to your character. “Chip leader” doesn’t mean much. Is she a world-class player or anything?

savinh0 Samurai Reviewed 5 days ago.
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On the plus side, the productions costs would certainly be minimal as most of the action would take place in one very small set.

On the negative side, the logline posits a situation where at first, fleeting glance her struggle and suffering (mental anguish) seems to have no obvious meaning or purpose; ergo it reads contrived, her suffering  and struggle gratuitous.  We have no clue who is the adversary who locked her in the closed or what his or her motive is.

Compare this logline with the protagonist in “Phone Booth” (2002), who is pinned down by a sniper in a phone booth to make him confess his infidelities in order to have his life sparred.   The hook of the story is not just the what, that’s he’s pinned down by sniper fire in a phone booth — but also the why, because the sniper knows he’s a phony. (Word play intended.)

(Btw, I hear Harvey Weinstein has been cast for the lead in the re-make and this time the sniper will be female. The sniper role has become the most coveted role in the history of  Hollyweird.) 🙂

Anyway, I’m guessing there’s a why in this story. I suggest there needs to be at least a hint of it in the logline.

fwiw

dpg Singularity Reviewed 5 days ago.
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Is this a short or full-length feature?

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed 4 days ago.
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