When their last mission fails, three neurotic hit-men from three different times and civilizations are separately enlisted by a highly secretive organization to assassinate each other.
Jean-Marie MazaleyratLogliner
When their last mission fails, three neurotic hit-men from three different times and civilizations are separately enlisted by a highly secretive organization to assassinate each other.
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A dark comedy like Grosse Pointe Blank. What are the scfi elements?
Hello, I don’t know the movie you referes to “Grosse Pointe Blank”, but I think that the concept is interesting (my favourite of your submissions).
I recomment to avoid “with troubled pasts” for 2 reasons. 1) It’s implied by the word “neurotic”. ?2) It’s the kind of expression everyone?use when they don’t know exactly what happened; it doesn’t build curiosity: make the reader curious by what you tell, or don’t tell.
I wonder if you really need to add something to this logline, which I found elegant.
The goal and the stakes are clear (kill and avoid to be killed).
Maybe I would even avoid to mention the “highly secretive client” (which is a little vague).
“Three neurotic hit-men are separately enlisted to assassinate each other”.
If you want to go further to use a logline to spot and prevent story problems, you could start with “when?three neurotic hit-men?are separately enlisted to assassinate each other” then what happens ? .
Plot: Three brilliant but troubled persons from three different civilisations and historical periods (2 men and a woman), are hired and trained by an unknown organization. They intervene separately but simultaneously in historical events in order to “correct” the run of History. The last mission they were sent on fails (interfere with the assassination of JFK in Dallas) , making the head of the organization thinking that one of them is involved in a sabotage, maybe with some complices in the organization. In order to unmask the mole, he separately enlists the three to kill each other. A fierce fight ensues between the three all over the Earth and the centuries, with unexpected developments.
N.B. : ?The original logline is by ?Roger Avary (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_Avary?,?http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000812/?ref_=nv_sr_1?)
Hello,
a logline should be a honest description of he whole movie, and its genre should be clear.
Roger Avary’s logline (meant to be a blueprint to stimulate writers to write some pages of a script), if it was a logline for a actual script he intended to write, couldn’t be a science fiction movie. If it was scifi a good logline would mention some details that make it clear. In the context of the contest I think it’s ok to do everything that respect the pillars of Avary’s logline.
I think thant “log – line” is meant to be a “line” (one sentence) who helps to “log” in a movie. A logline for a movie already done, like loglines in tvmagazines has a different purpose than a logline for a spec script, which is different from a logline for a script who is not yet written, which is different from a logline created for a writing contest to help writers to log in. This website focus on the second and the third type of logline, and the first type in the ‘classics’ section. I personally don’t mind to comment on any kind of loglines but the comments would be different according to the purpose of the logline.
Hello FFF,
This logline is about an already written spec I began two years ago for the Industry Insiders contest. As well as for the Sheldon Turner’s one, I used the Roger Avary’s logline here because it matches perfectly with the script (unless it is the script that matches perfectly with the logline hahaha!), in order to get?some feedback to make a better one.
I don’t think this logline is dishonest: this is not?a SciFi story strictly speaking as it is written as a thriller and it doesn’t exploit any SciFi elements. The different times sequences are linked in the chronological order of the plot, without any SFX, the only differences being in the historical settings, costumes, etc. ?Time switching is just a storytelling convention given in the setup (the first 15 pages written for the contest).
In an other post, I wrote:
“Which doesn?t mean that all these loglines are bad:
1? to be vague ?and allusive is sometimes the best way to be intriguing and?appealing, for many stories, either it?s?bad (I bet that nobody would watch 50 Shades Of Grey if they?knew?what they?ll see hahaha) or?good.
2? Logline.It encourages its users to write their loglines before beginning to write (which is not the case here) to test their ideas. In this case, this is interesting to begin with something vague for three?reasons:
3? in the business area, a logline is the first tool you use to promote your?screenplay? and the first tool used to steal good ideas.
So,?although?there?are?never two identical stories based on the same logline, a good logline must be vague or biased enough to tell a lot?about?your story, but not exactly your story. You better hide some important plot details, particularly what can be high-concept elements, switches, climax?
Even if you can proof your anteriority (which is long and expensive), you must also proof it was stolen to gain before the court (which is even more long, expensive and difficult). Unless, you may receive answers like ?we have a similar project? or ?that?s already been done?? which often means that your idea was found interesting and is now in a notebook to potentially be developed by a hired screenwriter.”
(*) If you practices contests and Script Doctors, this could reminds something to you hahaha!
I personally disagree with the idea that ‘to be vague’ is an effective tool, except for the early stages of the writing process or for a tv-guide. I read many many books on the subject and no-one give value to be ‘vague’. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t all be wrong.
“A fierce fight ensues between the three all over the Earth and the centuries” this is science fiction in my opinion because in the real world this can’t happen. Or maybe I don’t get it right.
Hello FFF,
Would you say that Spielberg’s “Always”, ?or Agresti’s “The Lake House”?or Capra’s “It’s A?Wonderful Life” are SciFi movies?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096794/?ref_=nv_sr_3
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0410297/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038650/
However,?as a multiple choice is not possible for the genre, ?I chose SciFi and this is my personal decision. The fact you consider this logline as dishonest is your own opinion and as it is not related to Logline.It purpose, I don’t care.
Cheers.
Hello,
I want to say first and foremost that I think that what you say make sense and I shouldn’t use the world “honest” in this context (I’m not a native english speaker) – I’m trying to say something that -in my opinion- could help you see things differently, or not, and I will respect your opinion anyway.
When I read the logline of “it’s a wonderful life”, I expect some things that are impossible in the real world. I expect some magic.
When I read “3 hit man…”, I do not. Maybe it’s just me.
It’s not really about the genre but about the mind setting of the reader… I imagine myslelf as a producer, or as an amateur screenwriter what I am), that must chose to download and read a screeplay or not- if I download “3 hit man…” because I want guns, killings and I don’t like magic, time travelling or whatever, when I find?this in the script I stop reading, simply because It was not what I was looking for.
I used to work in a videoshop and clients were always disappointed when they found “impossible” things where they didn’t expected. If I read?a logline for Always as a war movie, I’ll be highly disappointed. I would be disapponted also if the logline treat it as a “philadelphia experiment” sci fi movie. I would be happy with a logline who stress the power of love and the magic of romance, so I know that the movie is not for me 🙂
In reading you plot, I though “wow, this is A LOT MORE than 3 hit mans, this is Takeshi Miike (watch Izo https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Izo), this is STRANGE”, so I suggest you to include some of the madness of the movie in the logline – call it whatever you want but the reader should be warned in some way.
I hope this help somehow !
Please note:
This is part of my job to write loglines. However, that’s not an art as easy to practice as arithmetics and like for screenplays, this is of great help to make them read by other people.
So as most of the members of Logline.It, I assume, I post loglines in order to get constructive feedback to improve my work.
I mean spontaneous feedback and exchanges of views, not scholastic feuds with self-appointed logline doctors. About the “How To” write loglines, there is a very good page where everything needed can be found: https://loglines.org/howto.
What interests me is also statistics: how many people read my loglines, how many give useful comments… which is a good barometer of how interesting they are/become.
So if your purpose is to give your spontaneous feedback, bad or good, about loglines that interest you, you’re welcome. If your purpose is just to make yourself important, please pass your way: this just breaks statistics.