Searching for a missing girl, two detectives become trapped in a manor filled with a secret society of vampires – and must get out before eaten alive.

    Mentor Posted on November 14, 2019 in Horror.
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    8 Review(s)

      INTENTION: To investigate and stop these mysterious killings.
      OBSTACLE: I’d say the “secret society”. (Even if they escape becoming dinner and escape the manor. Who do they trust? How do they get out of this town?)

      I want to say they get “trapped” in this manor. That it goes a “WICKER MAN” route. But it also has that “CHINATOWN” element – where they begin to uncover more and more about this place.

      Also, I want one of the detectives to die very early on so you know the stakes. He’s the first to get eaten ha.

      ORIGINAL LOGLINE:

      Two detectives investigating a series of brutal murders in New Orleans, become dinner guests at the manor of an aristocratic vampire – and leader of a secret society.

       

      Mentor Answered on November 14, 2019.
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        I could add “reluctant” in front of “dinner guests”? Makes them more trapped.

         

        Mentor Answered on November 14, 2019.
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          …and then what happens?

          This is just the set up really.

          Saying “become dinner guests” suggests that it wasn’t a choice they made. More they were forced into it. Do they know he’s a vampire?

          Does it make a difference that this is set in New Orleans?

          I think all the elements need to tie up, the murders need to be connected to the aristocrat in someway. There needs to be a reason why they go to dinner. What does the secret society do? How is that connected to the murders?

          When a series of brutal murders is linked to a local aristocrat’s secret society, a cynical detective and his cocky partner must follow the clues into a dark and mysterious underworld that’s corrupting the whole community. 

          Not perfect at all but you I feel like it has more of the required elements.

          The inclusion of the vampire bit really depends where the reveal is that he’s a vampire. If it’s at the end of Act I, then I would include it. If it’s Act II climax, then I wouldn’t. If it’s a midpoint, I would throw a MPR into this logline. Change the stakes… (pun intended).

          Hope this helps.

          Summitry Answered on November 14, 2019.
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            Okay. We’ll try…

            Investigating a series of brutal murders, two detectives become trapped in the manor of who turns out to be the leader of a secret society of vampires – and must get out before they are eaten.

            Preferably I want to keep the majority of the film in the manor.

            The thing with New Orleans. I imagined this Southern Gentleman to wine and dine them. Charm them… And then turn out to be the bad guy ha.

             

            Mentor Answered on November 14, 2019.
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              That last one still feels quite fat though. Needs to be leaned out…

              Investigating several brutal murders, two detectives become trapped in the manor of who turns out to be a leader of a secret society of vampires – and must get out before they are eaten.

               

              Mentor Answered on November 14, 2019.
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                Getting there. Why doesn’t the vampire just kill them? I hate it in films when the bad guy doesn’t just kill the good guys when he has the chance.

                Maybe the detectives sneak into his manor instead… undetected. They come and question him but they (in a nice flip on a standard vampire trope) they decline the invitation to come inside. The audience gets to see this charming southern gent vampire but not arouse so much suspicion that would result in instant death.

                Summitry Answered on November 14, 2019.
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                  I think you’re right with the original logline. They wouldn’t just go to a vampire’s house.

                  That’s a twist. He kills one of the detectives (hopefully a big name actor. someone you wouldn’t expect.)

                  He then skins him. Cooks him. Serves him to his friend – who is drugged or incapacitated.

                  The villain is a Southern Gentleman – he is wining and dining him first. Then he’ll kill him.

                  It’s like with IT – why doesn’t the clown just kill them? Well, he’s feeding off their fear. I might lean into a weird sexual thing. Maybe this vampire aristocrat literally gets off on seeing this guy’s fear/dread, etc.

                  Have you seen the end of BONE TOMAHAWK? If I can replicate that ending ha.

                  Mentor Answered on November 14, 2019.
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                    I changed it again so the INTENTION is stronger.

                    INTENTION: Find the girl.

                    OBSTACLES: Vampires. Everywhere.

                    Mentor Answered on November 15, 2019.
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