Two sworn enemies become trapped in an isolated house, fighting off violent locals, after one of them is accused of a hit and run.
24 words I think.
The must (the goal) is there – to stay alive or die.
The stakes are clear – again, to stay alive.
The inciting incident is here.
I want to do something about how one act of violence leads to another. Hopefully “after one of them is accused of a hit and run” is enough. Reminds me of First Blood.
I’m keeping it mysterious why these guys are enemies – and trying to keep it lean.
I’m leading with “two sworn enemies” and leaving the I.I. for the end. Reads better.
“Two sworn enemies” keeps them mysterious. I think the fact they’re enemies or there’s friction – suggests at any moment one might betray the other or give up the other.
I dunno – this is the most deliberately opaque this idea has got thus far ha. It’s lean though.
I got rid of some of the specificity (“man who accidentally killed his wife”) to keep it lean. Put back “isolated” to help paint the picture.
What do you think?