Version 2 based on your reviews. Thank you
>>>…but taking elements away from this description will not explain the plot in its entirety.
You don’t need to explain the plot in its entirety, just the “Hero-Inciting Event-Goal” work superbly
Protagonist is clearly “a young misguided Muslim”
Inciting event could be any of the two specified:
1. “Coerced by a maniac” or
2. “The terror attack”
which is it?
What becomes his Goal? (As a response to this event’s stimulus)
PS. Your premise IS hooking. All you need to do is frame it in something like —
when [this event] happens, [this protagonist] must reach [this goal]
…all the while implying conflict and stakes
This is confusing and lacks a few vital plot elements.
“…Having been manipulated online…” – is a very weak inciting incident. If all it takes to push the MC is a few back and forths with a stranger online, he or she is not a very strong character, if anything, they come across as unstable – not a good character trait for a protagonist. More to the point, the MC’s motivation remains unclear, why MUST they do whatever it is they do? Being manipulated is one thing, and their motivation is another.
The lack of motivation also relates to empathy, why would the audience care about a terrorist? The MC is a killer, there’s no redeeming aspect in his character.
Last thing, what’s his or her goal? What MUST be achieved by the end of the story?
Thanks for your response guys…
So working alongside the industry formula; off the top of my head, the framing would be better suited as something like this…
– When a young, British Muslim develops an obsession online with a maniacal and violently motivated con-women, he is coerced toward instigated a terror situation on a London tour bus. –