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    Having been manipulated online by a maniacal and violently motivated con-women, a young, misguided Muslim is coersed toward instigating a melee terror attack at a busy London station.

    A_R_Road Logliner Asked on May 14, 2018 in Crime.

    This would perhaps explain the plot more entirely…

    When a young, misguided Muslim instigates a terror situation at a busy London station under the coersion of a maniacal con-women he met online, it diverts five transporting criminals to the same detention centre. allowing them to establish their own involvement in the sinister event.

    on May 14, 2018.

    Any further interpretation s and comments are much appreciated

    on May 14, 2018.
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    6 Review(s)

      It seems to be a great film idea! but what becomes his Goal? Another take could be —

      “After a young muslim is deceived by a maniac into orchestrating a terror attack at a busy street, he must track his cyber bully to evade death sentence”

      variable Overlord Reviewed on May 15, 2018.

      Ok, “Coerced” IS a better verb choice than “Deceived”…

      on May 15, 2018.

      How about this?…

      Under the coersion of a maniacal con-women he met online, a young Muslim instigates a terror incident at a busy, London station. Forcing five remand prisoners to establish their individual involvement leading up to the sinister event.

      on May 15, 2018.

      I don’t quite get – “forcing five remand prisoners to establish their individual involvement leading upto the sinister event”
      .
      .
      How relevant is it towards indicating the protagonist’s goal. Goal is of the utmost importance and if logline fails to establish that, it fails it’s purpose.

      on May 15, 2018.

      The film is divided into parts, the terror attack would be in the first act then the film falls into a linear format revealing the journey that has been taken by the protagonist to get to that point.

      He interacts with more than one antagonist, who are all strong characters in the film and who become linked and partially to blame for his actions due to their inadvertent encounters with him.

      However, the strongest influence is from the female who he interacts with online, and who he eventually goes to meet which is why I would assume her to be the antagonist for the sake of the logline.

      It is quite a complex plot but it works well. Is it better to just boil down the plot to its basic form? Whereas I’m trying to hard to get the entire concept in?

      on May 16, 2018.

      Based on my previous comment above ^^^

      This is another attempt at establishing the entire plot, please tell me if it still doesn’t fit the format…

      Coerced by a maniacal con-women he met online, a young Muslim instigates a terror incident on a London tour bus. Forcing a group of remanded prisoners included a money launderer … a prostitute … and her driver to comprehend their uniquely inadvertent connection to the sinister event.

      I can sense this is too long and structured incorrectly, but taking elements away from this description will not explain the plot in its entirety.

      on May 16, 2018.

      I don’t really care about the format,
      but I MUST know what becomes his GOAL as a result of becoming an unwitting instrument to the bombing….maybe you are trying to convey THAT with — “forcing a group of remanded prisoners…..to comprehend their connection….” But it isn’t clear
      & If I don’t get it, most audience won’t

      on May 16, 2018.
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        >>>…but taking elements away from this description will not explain the plot in its entirety.

        You don’t need to explain the plot in its entirety, just the “Hero-Inciting Event-Goal” work superbly

        Protagonist is clearly “a young misguided Muslim”

        Inciting event could be any of the two specified:
        1. “Coerced by a maniac” or
        2. “The terror attack”
        .
        .
        which is it?

        And finally,
        What becomes his Goal? (As a response to this event’s stimulus)

        PS. Your premise IS hooking. All you need to do is frame it in something like —
        when [this event] happens, [this protagonist] must reach [this goal]
        …all the while implying conflict and stakes

        variable Overlord Reviewed on May 16, 2018.
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          This is confusing and lacks a few vital plot elements.

          “…Having been manipulated online…” – is a very weak inciting incident. If all it takes to push the MC is a few back and forths with a stranger online, he or she is not a very strong character, if anything, they come across as unstable – not a good character trait for a protagonist. More to the point, the MC’s motivation remains unclear, why MUST they do whatever it is they do? Being manipulated is one thing, and their motivation is another.

          The lack of motivation also relates to empathy, why would the audience care about a terrorist? The MC is a killer, there’s no redeeming aspect in his character.

          Last thing, what’s his or her goal? What MUST be achieved by the end of the story?

          Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on May 16, 2018.
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            Thanks for your response guys…

            So working alongside the industry formula; off the top of my head, the framing would be better suited as something like this…

            – When a young, British Muslim develops an obsession online with a maniacal and violently motivated con-women, he is coerced toward instigated a terror situation on a London tour bus. –

            A_R_Road Logliner Reviewed on May 16, 2018.

            Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one? The script I’m developing is based on studies I have conducted in criminology, so these are not heroic characters I am writing about but more specifically criminals in a realistic sense, a lot of the plot and subplots are inspired by factual judicial hearings I have sat in on.

            on May 16, 2018.

            🙂 sounds thrilling!!

            on May 16, 2018.
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