When a city council decides to impound all stray animals, a selfish ex-house cat seeks refuge with a family of street cats, but to earn his place, he must learn to put others first and outsmart the Feline Mafia henchman that stands between the street cats and the new home that will save them all.
Sounds like an interesting concept – and an interesting main character – typical of a cat to be selfish!
The name “street cats” is a little confusing. If they are street cats, why do they live in a home?
To shorten it, maybe delete the last bit,. Not sure if it’s needed: “that stands between the street cats and the new home that will save them all.”
How does it go from ..impounding stray animals.. to ..seeking refuge with street cats..?
I get that his relationship with the stray make for a good Second Act that will teach him to be selfless, but for loglining purposes, wouldn’t his immediate Goal be to go off-street (to avoid being impounded) rather than trying to seek refuge, especially because he’s selfish?
Enters an objective visual goal: ..the new home that’ll save them all..?
Inciting inciting can be when his owner dies and the family leaves him outside.
The street becomes his Act 2. By the end of which, when he’s learning to love & share, the city council then becomes a mid point reversal.
Now since he’s an ex-house cat, that makes for a skill he can use, while helping his new friends secure owners (which btw is a selfless act that adds to his Arc as a character).
So you have the bits, just not in places. Let’s try for a format with clarity and update this thread.
>>>> but to earn his place, he must learn to put others first and outsmart
Loglines are about objective goals, not about lessons learned. Why? Because the “lesson learned” is an unintended consequence of the intentional striving for an objective goal. It’s not something a character seeks or wants. Who wants to deliberately, consciously, intentionally seek to find out he’s wrong, that he needs to change?
Loglines area about what a character intentionally wants, not about what he unintentionally discovers.
Thanks for your feedback guys. Here’s another stab at it:
When a city declares stray animals illegal a newly-homeless house cat must help a family of street cats outsmart the mafia henchman that stands between them and the safety of a new home before they all get caught.