When a contract killer murders the wrong person, he must hire a body guard to protect himself from his own employer.

somethingrobust Penpusher Asked on September 12, 2018 in Thriller.
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5 Review(s)

Is the contract killer the lead character or the bodyguard?

Also; your logline, (as written) is reactive, not proactive. Does the lead character have a goal? Is there some way to ‘make it right’ when it comes to the botched hit?

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on September 12, 2018.
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Is the hiring of the bodyguard the story? A bit like forming the group of strippers in “the full Monty”?

If not?

“A hitman and his bodyguard have to ….. while fighting off killer sent after the hitman kills the wrong person.”

CraigDGriffiths Summitry Reviewed on September 13, 2018.
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One more thing, in the movie “The hitman’s bodyguard” The goal was to get the hitman to a trial, to put away some very bad people. A proactive goal. This would be a good example of what I was talking about above; about a pro-active goal for your lead character.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on September 13, 2018.
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Agree with Richiev.   It’s better if the logline frames the plot with the protagonist having a proactive goal.  Hiring a bodyguard seems to put the bodyguard in the pivotal role, the key character in how the plot plays out.  The hitman comes off as weak,  appearing to hide behind the bodyguard.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on September 13, 2018.
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