When a crew of mismatched oilfield workers stay late to finish a job in the middle of nowhere, they are attacked by bloodthirsty monsters. They’ll have to band together to fight through blood guts, and teeth if they want to live to see another sunrise.

    Penpusher Posted on May 12, 2019 in Horror.
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    12 Review(s)

      The term ‘monsters’ is very generic? What kind of monsters?

      (I just mean, Godzilla is a monster, a Gremlin is a monster, a werewolf is a monster, Big Foot is a monster, Hannibal Lector is a monster. There is such a wide variety of things that could be considered monsters that saying monster doesn’t really paint a picture in the readers head. What specific monsters attack them?)

      Singularity Answered on May 12, 2019.

      I was thinking about vampires specifically. But more the grotesque nosferatu variety. Closer to the creatures in The Strain than Dracula.

      on May 13, 2019.

      That’s cool, If you watch ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there was a type of vampire so old that they were to vampires what Neanderthal man was to homo sapiens.

      Something along those lines would work here, ‘The Old Ones’ (so to speak)

      If that is the case, one reveal in your story should be that one of the crew members (Maybe the lead character) is actually a vampire of some sort. (A good vampire, perhaps half human half vampire along the lines of Blade) This way you could get the backstory on the old Nosferatu type of vampires the crew is facing.

      on May 13, 2019.
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        Sounds like a great premise for a horror. Could the monsters have come out as a result of the drilling? Perhaps this would add an environmental metaphor. As suggested above, you need to specify a main character and define the story in the context of their experience instead of a group.

        Singularity Answered on May 12, 2019.

        I was wondering about being overt with environmental metaphor, especially since I had initially conceived the creatures as being vampires. However, the first monster does rise from an open-air water pit filled with black sludge. Also, you all are right. The main character is a young woman who has joined the company and this is her first day. That’s much more specific and compelling than a group.

        on May 13, 2019.
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          Do you have a lead character?

          Singularity Answered on May 12, 2019.

          Yes! A young woman. She joined the crew after quitting her last job.

          on May 13, 2019.

          This is good, a newcomer whose eyes the audience can see the story unfold.

          on May 13, 2019.
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            Oil riggers are attacked by monsters, they must…. to…. but…

            Your one is a great setup. But you left us with a generic action film. What makes it great?

            Summitry Answered on May 12, 2019.
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              I’m not sure if this is still in development phase but for fun here’s how I’d write it thinking of it as a Liam Neeson/Gerard Butler etc vehicle.

              “A suicidal oilrigger reluctantly takes one last shift to fix a malfunctioning sensor off the Coast of X, only to find there’s no malfunction. There are (X in the water/air/pipes/water ever). “

              This is basically The Grey where the monsters are Wolves – one of my favorite man vs beast.

              Samurai Answered on May 12, 2019.
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                After (something other than plain) vampires attack their oilfield, a (protag) must…

                Full disclosure: I hate vampires. Still, what is the purpose of using a common monster? Is it a metaphor, people sucking oil from the ground are like vampires sucking the life out of people? That may not be direct enough or sharp enough. The Nosferatu type is a minor twist. Creatures that need the oil to live seem more in sync with the idea or original creatures unearthed by the drilling. Bottomline, is ‘vampires in oilfield’ the best hook?

                What is the purpose of the protag’s money troubles? If anything, it’s a detail for the script as the logline has enough with the predicament of the vampires. First day of work would add extra conflict in terms of her being unfamiliar with things, but is that enough? Is the oil drilling a collective “sin” that the protag is part of or is she, say, an environmental monitor who opposes some of the company’s practices? The latter creates new conflict, between the protag and the others, so, if not this, think of something else about her that would add significant conflict.

                Clarify the size of the oilfield because some are small and some are massive. A location would help, the country or US state.

                As above, fill in the blank of what she must do, aside from the assumed and even if the plan starts at the Midpoint. Get to a vehicle or phone? Gather everyone into a safe place while they await help that was summoned?

                My two cents.

                Mentor Answered on May 13, 2019.
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                  What’s the story hook,  the element that distinguishes it from all the other vampire movies?  Why is it set in a remote oilfield?  I mean, it seems like a story that could be set anywhere.

                  Singularity Answered on May 14, 2019.
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                    >>A park ranger turned

                    Backstory.  Not necessary for the logline. “Rookie” might suffice.

                    >>>regrets her first day on the job

                    The logline needs to focus on the problem she faces, and what she must do about it How she feels about the situation is irrelevant in the logline.

                    Maybe slip “remote” into the logline to describe the location. That lays the foundation for why there is no cellphone communication.  And anyway, it’s one of many complications she faces.  Even if they had perfect 4G communication, they’re in a rugged, remote location — no one can get there fast enough to rescue them at night, right? They must rescue themselves.

                    Singularity Answered on May 14, 2019.

                    Perfect! Thank you so much!

                    1 week ago.
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                      If I understand your story, you seem to be striving to work out a dramatic process of antithesis in terms of her relationship with the crew.  Something like:

                      After struggling all day in a rugged, remote oilfield to win the respect of her male crew, a rookie female roughneck must fight all night to save them from vampires.
                      (30 words)

                      Not sure if this works as a logline, but it works in my (demented) mind as a story hook. The “vamping” as a gimmick to work out the relationship — I can see possibilities.

                      And vampires is the  generic, shorthand term for all blood-sucking monsters.  I don’t see how you can,or need,to  use another term  in the logline, one that nobody will understand.  Use other nomenclature in the story if you must, but stick with the shorthand in the logline.

                      Whatever.  I would pitch this as a story about feminist empowerment story that happens to be of the horror genre.  Just as “Get Out” is about  about race told as a horror story.

                      fwiw

                      Singularity Answered on May 14, 2019.

                      I really like this Logline dpg.

                      1 week ago.
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                        This is all great advice! Thank you all so much for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

                         

                        Hmmmm…what about:

                         

                        When a young woman with money troubles gets hired to work in the oilfield, she expects hard work, but when her crew stays late to finish a job and is hunted by bloodthirsty vampires, she will now have to work harder than ever if she wants to see the sunrise. 

                        Eh…still not sure.

                         

                        It gets rid of the “mismatched” crew and gives us a central character we also get a specific monster…

                         

                        I don’t know, what do you folks think?

                         

                        Penpusher Answered on May 13, 2019.
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