When a crew of mismatched oilfield workers stay late to finish a job in the middle of nowhere, they are attacked by bloodthirsty monsters. They’ll have to band together to fight through blood guts, and teeth if they want to live to see another sunrise.

Penpusher Posted on May 12, 2019 in Horror.
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12 Review(s)

Do you have a lead character?

Singularity Answered on May 12, 2019.

Yes! A young woman. She joined the crew after quitting her last job.

on May 13, 2019.

This is good, a newcomer whose eyes the audience can see the story unfold.

on May 13, 2019.
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Oil riggers are attacked by monsters, they must…. to…. but…

Your one is a great setup. But you left us with a generic action film. What makes it great?

Summitry Answered on May 12, 2019.
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I’m not sure if this is still in development phase but for fun here’s how I’d write it thinking of it as a Liam Neeson/Gerard Butler etc vehicle.

“A suicidal oilrigger reluctantly takes one last shift to fix a malfunctioning sensor off the Coast of X, only to find there’s no malfunction. There are (X in the water/air/pipes/water ever). “

This is basically The Grey where the monsters are Wolves – one of my favorite man vs beast.

Samurai Answered on May 12, 2019.
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The term ‘monsters’ is very generic? What kind of monsters?

(I just mean, Godzilla is a monster, a Gremlin is a monster, a werewolf is a monster, Big Foot is a monster, Hannibal Lector is a monster. There is such a wide variety of things that could be considered monsters that saying monster doesn’t really paint a picture in the readers head. What specific monsters attack them?)

Singularity Answered on May 12, 2019.

I was thinking about vampires specifically. But more the grotesque nosferatu variety. Closer to the creatures in The Strain than Dracula.

on May 13, 2019.

That’s cool, If you watch ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there was a type of vampire so old that they were to vampires what Neanderthal man was to homo sapiens.

Something along those lines would work here, ‘The Old Ones’ (so to speak)

If that is the case, one reveal in your story should be that one of the crew members (Maybe the lead character) is actually a vampire of some sort. (A good vampire, perhaps half human half vampire along the lines of Blade) This way you could get the backstory on the old Nosferatu type of vampires the crew is facing.

on May 13, 2019.
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Sounds like a great premise for a horror. Could the monsters have come out as a result of the drilling? Perhaps this would add an environmental metaphor. As suggested above, you need to specify a main character and define the story in the context of their experience instead of a group.

Singularity Answered on May 12, 2019.

I was wondering about being overt with environmental metaphor, especially since I had initially conceived the creatures as being vampires. However, the first monster does rise from an open-air water pit filled with black sludge. Also, you all are right. The main character is a young woman who has joined the company and this is her first day. That’s much more specific and compelling than a group.

on May 13, 2019.
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This is all great advice! Thank you all so much for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

 

Hmmmm…what about:

 

When a young woman with money troubles gets hired to work in the oilfield, she expects hard work, but when her crew stays late to finish a job and is hunted by bloodthirsty vampires, she will now have to work harder than ever if she wants to see the sunrise. 

Eh…still not sure.

 

It gets rid of the “mismatched” crew and gives us a central character we also get a specific monster…

 

I don’t know, what do you folks think?

 

Penpusher Answered on May 13, 2019.
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After (something other than plain) vampires attack their oilfield, a (protag) must…

Full disclosure: I hate vampires. Still, what is the purpose of using a common monster? Is it a metaphor, people sucking oil from the ground are like vampires sucking the life out of people? That may not be direct enough or sharp enough. The Nosferatu type is a minor twist. Creatures that need the oil to live seem more in sync with the idea or original creatures unearthed by the drilling. Bottomline, is ‘vampires in oilfield’ the best hook?

What is the purpose of the protag’s money troubles? If anything, it’s a detail for the script as the logline has enough with the predicament of the vampires. First day of work would add extra conflict in terms of her being unfamiliar with things, but is that enough? Is the oil drilling a collective “sin” that the protag is part of or is she, say, an environmental monitor who opposes some of the company’s practices? The latter creates new conflict, between the protag and the others, so, if not this, think of something else about her that would add significant conflict.

Clarify the size of the oilfield because some are small and some are massive. A location would help, the country or US state.

As above, fill in the blank of what she must do, aside from the assumed and even if the plan starts at the Midpoint. Get to a vehicle or phone? Gather everyone into a safe place while they await help that was summoned?

My two cents.

Mentor Answered on May 13, 2019.
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What’s the story hook,  the element that distinguishes it from all the other vampire movies?  Why is it set in a remote oilfield?  I mean, it seems like a story that could be set anywhere.

Singularity Answered on May 14, 2019.
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This is all really valuable info in helping me to clarify what the film is about and who the characters are in an economical way. There are answers to these inquiries which I will expand upon below as a way to pull the most interesting/necessary bits for a logline that works. I hope you’ll indulge me. I really am grateful for the help.

Blast off!

[The story itself takes place at a remote oilfield location in northeastern Colorado. There are locations there that get visited once or twice a year simply because they don’t produce on a regular basis. These locations also have unusable cell phone service and you could conceivably be hours from anything approaching civilization. This crew of oilfield workers (called roustabouts in the industry, but I omitted that from the logline because its a weird word and unnecessary) consist of  five characters, four men and one woman. The lead character, Kate, is new to oilfield work and her presence is on the crew is a source of tension simply because she is a woman. It is very uncommon to see a woman roustabout in the industry. She has had a previous career working as a park ranger, but was laid off due to budget cuts and had to make a living wage. Working in oil and gas is the fastest/most reliable way to make a living in her part of the country. Because the job takes 3 hours to get to and from the location, the crew has to leave early in the morning if they plan on getting back before dark. There are numerous “warnings” before they arrive and while they are working which I won’t go into here. However, they end up staying late to finish the job because they don’t want to have to come back due to time and money. As soon as the sun sets, all hell breaks loose.]

 

Regarding the “vampires”: I appreciate Robb Ross’ statement which is essentially why I wanted to go for creatures that were more feral like real monsters instead of the latex clad models of Underworld or the aristocrats of Interview with a Vampire, which is why I put “creatures” instead of vampires. When you say vampires, folks have certain thing in their heads but specificity is key so “Blood-Beings?”…”Darklings?” Is there a way to describe a blood drinking creature that only hunts at night without being too general and without evoking popular imagery of the vampire?

Regarding the environmental message: I like there being a link but not an overt one. Are the creatures the result of drilling? Probably, but I think that is background in this case. That makes the story more of a Tremors and less of a The Grey I suppose.

Regarding Setting: I set this story in the Colorado oilfield because of the remoteness of the location. It goes without saying that in an ever-increasingly modern world, there are less and less places for protagonists to get genuinely separated from convenience and society. When people hear oil and gas they think of drilling rigs, but have no idea that there are thousands of small tank batteries that litter our landscape tucked away in remote areas without cell service or medical access. Shifts in the oilfield range from 8 to 15 hours sometimes. Workers wake up when it’s dark and still find themselves on location as the sun sets. If vampires were real, these workers would be dead.

What about this…

“A park ranger turned Colorado oilfield worker regrets her first day on the job as she must not only battle for respect from her coworkers but fight for her life against the bloodthirsty night-creatures that have descended on the remote oilfield battery to feed on them after the sun goes down.”

Closer?

Penpusher Answered on May 14, 2019.
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>>A park ranger turned

Backstory.  Not necessary for the logline. “Rookie” might suffice.

>>>regrets her first day on the job

The logline needs to focus on the problem she faces, and what she must do about it How she feels about the situation is irrelevant in the logline.

Maybe slip “remote” into the logline to describe the location. That lays the foundation for why there is no cellphone communication.  And anyway, it’s one of many complications she faces.  Even if they had perfect 4G communication, they’re in a rugged, remote location — no one can get there fast enough to rescue them at night, right? They must rescue themselves.

Singularity Answered on May 14, 2019.

Perfect! Thank you so much!

on May 15, 2019.
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