When a deadly plague devastates the small village she’s passing, a cloistered sister, just out of the Abbey, hunts down clues to the seemingly magical affliction in order to discover who created the plague and save the town.

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    Singularity Posted on November 13, 2019 in Fantasy.
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      I think it’s mostly good, but as she is “passing” the town my question is what it is she has to gain? Is she assigned her first case by the Abbey to prove herself? Is it her hometown? Her native town?

      Samurai Answered on November 13, 2019.

      The lead begins to have questions about here faith, more as to, what is my purpose, is this what I am supposed to be doing.

      When she confesses her questions and doubts to Mother Bernice, instead of getting angry with her, mother suggests that she needs to get out and see the world. Live in it, meet people outside the walls of the Abbey.

      As to why the lead character stops to help the village, the lead character has a strong desire to help people, This is a fantasy setting and she can do basic healing spells like a DnD cleric. So when she discovers the town with the plague she immediately goes to help.

      However, she soon discovers the plague has a magical nature to it and her healing spells are not effective in curing the sickness.

      This isn’t a natural plague, someone did this to the town.

      on November 14, 2019.

      It’s an admirable trait to have a “strong desire to help people”, but I think for the sake of the logline, it still doesn’t really answer the question of why THIS town. It’s the first town she is passing through that is running into these issues, fine, but I think this prior question needs to be answered.

      I’m no expert but I thought I’d give it a go with my take:

      “When a deadly plague devastates the small village she’s passing, a naive sister, just out of the Abbey, takes on her first case into the occult by finding magical clues to discover who created the plague and save the town.”

      on November 14, 2019.

      Thanks, that is a pretty solid re-write

      on November 14, 2019.
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        Possible Title: “Sister Serenity”

        Singularity Answered on November 13, 2019.

        I like that this suggested title.

        on November 17, 2019.
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          It has elements of The Name of The  Rose and Outbreak, but with a twist of magic – me like.

          THE_CNI has a point though, perhaps it would be better to make the village her home town. This increases the stakes as her own family will die if she fails.

          My try:

          After a deadly plague devastates her parents’ village, a nun in training must leave the Abby and stop the black magic causing the disease.

           

          Singularity Answered on November 16, 2019.

          Great points, thanks for the input

          on November 16, 2019.

          Maybe she leaves the abbey to save her village. Not bad

           

          on November 16, 2019.
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            Interesting. I like this.

            Why a nun? I’m guessing the affliction has some religious overtones… maybe change “deadly” to “biblical” just to hammer it home.

            I agree with The_CNI. I wonder whether, in this fantasy world, sisters of this particular Abbey are sent out to investigate stuff like this. Gives her a reason, and could also set up an interesting back story. No idea if this is remotely the story you want to tell though.

            Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

            Summitry Answered on November 13, 2019.

            Yeah, I was trying to say Nun, without saying nun, because this takes place in a fantasy world and when you say Nun you think catholic religion.

            on November 14, 2019.

            Oh interesting. Hmmmm… you say sister and abbey – I think nun. I wonder if you can remove some of these words and come up with more generic terms – faith healer perhaps? I think it’s important to get more of the fantasy elements in too.

            Could it be a curse rather than a plague? Invokes witchcraft and more fantasy elements in my mind.

            Fantasy is always tricky! Good luck!

            on November 14, 2019.
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