When a disillusioned married woman is absorbed by a surrealist painting, she struggles to develop the power to free herself from the painting before becoming part of it, while falling in love with a man of painting.
If she’s unhappily married in real life and falling in love with some one more appealing in the fantastic world of the painting, why would she want to go back to reality? What is her motivation, her dramatic need? As currently framed, the premise gives her every reason to stay in the painting.
I think dpg is correct.
In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is unhappy with her life and wishes she was somewhere else. However, through her adventures in the land of OZ, she realizes there is no place like home.
I could picture something like that for your story. An unhappy mother and wife, disillusioned with the day to day problems that go along with being a mom.
Then she sees the painting titled “A perfect day” and she wishes herself into the painting.
And everything inside the painting is perfect, perfect weather, perfect food, a perfect man…
Meanwhile, he husband and children are scrambling to find a way to get her back out of the painting. (This would be the ‘B’ storyline)
Soon it becomes apparent that perfect isn’t perfect, that those little problems and imperfections in our lives are what give it meaning.
But try as she might she can’t find a way out of the painting.
Then she hears her daughter crying, “Mom, please come home”
And through the love of her daughter, she is able to escape the painting.
She comes back to reality with the realization that she loves her life, warts and all
And her family realize they have taken their mother for granted.
Anyway, just some thoughts
Your corrected version: This is the corrected logline, the original logline is:
In an exhibition, after a woman enters a painting, her boyfriend must look for the painter before he leaving the exhibition.
Your initial logline was better. This is incomplete and does not reflect any plot.
For the initial logline:
If you have established your character in reference to your logline, you must be good to go. You mentioned that you are yet to master English, that’s the only thing I suggest you do the earliest.
The initial version is good.
The event that motivates her to take action is getting trapped in the painting, as a response to that, she needs to find a way back to reality – this makes sense. Therefore, the inclusion of the love story, in the context that you’ve established, is superfluous.
What’s the main story line in this concept? The love story? Or her getting back to reality?
Richiev offers a good movie as an example to compare with this one.
In the “Wizard of Oz” Dorothy is never so enraptured with anyone or anything in Oz that she would be tempted to want to stay. From the git go, her unalterable goal is to get back home. But she doesn’t know how, doesn’t have any means of getting back. The story is set up so that she must contact an enabler, someone with power to get her back home. So her specific game plan to get back home is to persuade the Wizard to make that possible.
A logline for the movie might be something like: “When a tornado transports a young Kansas girl to a magical kingdom, she must persuade its all-powerful Wizard into enabling her to go home.” (24 words)
(Well, of course, come to find out he’s not all-powerful. That she’s had the means all along to get back home — the red slippers. But a logline is written from the perspective of what the protagonist knows at the time she commits to her objective goal — not what she eventually discovers.)
In contrast, the logline for this premise provides us no clue as to her game plan to get back to the real world. Dorothy must convince the Wizard. What, specifically, must the protagonist in this logline do?