Possible Title: PUNKS
“When a group of social justice ANTIFA wannabe’s attack his retirement community, a legendary retired hitman and his old mob buddies show the young punks, they messed with the wrong town.”
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1. Why would ANTIFA care about a bunch of old farts – missing that connection.
2. Not sure about the marketability of ANTIFA being in the logline 😉 probably could lose, and by the sounds of this logline – I would lay off the CNN for a while (jk)
3. Removed “wannabes” (too soft of a threat) and “retired” not needed because you included location.
Make this your’s brother, leaning towards:
“Threatened by social justice extremist hell-bent on destruction, a legendary hitman must reassemble his old mob buddies to defend their beloved retirement community”
That was a great logline re-write!
IMHO: Having ANTIFA as the villains is a deal killer. Doubt that will be a hard sell in Hollyweird where the suits are inclined to tilt left in their political sympathies.
Also while the premise promises some interesting “fun and games” when the plot shifts into 2nd gear, there ‘s no suspense as to the outcome. Taking the premise at face value, it sets up the expectation that the tough and seasoned pros will kick amateur or semi-pro anarchic ass in the final act.
So it would be better if the retirees are caught in a “fish out of water” situation. Like they were anti-Vietnam War protesters and/or draft dodging pacifists in their own passionate but foolish youth. Which also, btw, would give them an emotional connection to the bad guys, perhaps enable some kind more emotionally satisfying 3rd act dialectical resolution (thesis antithesis—>synthesis).
I might change the word “attack” to “occupy” or “seize control” of his retirement community.