When a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.
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When a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.
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“When a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.”
Personally I agree with a comment DPG made on an earlier version: does the protagonist really need to be male? How many comedies are about young teenage males trying “win the girl” like she’s a trophy? Simply making the protagonist a female already offers something new.
But anyway, I think rather than “he gets a chance to win the girl away” it should be more specific. Something like, “he must use his newfound power to win a girl’s heart.”
As for the beginning, “humiliated” tells us nothing. Say shy, quiet, whatever. Describe his personality, not tell that he’s been humiliated. There probably isn’t a person on this planet who hasn’t been humiliated. But everyone feels humiliated at different things, so this is simply too vague.
Another suggestion for the inciting incident: Describe a specific time he visualizes someone’s desires. On a previous version I said something comedic would be him visualizing his grandmother, or some neighborhood old lady. But give a specific example.
My take:?After he is able to view his grandmother’s fantasies by touching her, a shy teen utilizes this power to use?the desires of his crush to?win her heart .(29)
I hope this helps.
“Humiliated’ is not a character flaw — it’s a character’s status in the pecking order. ? So what is his character flaw that threatens to trip him up, that will lead him to abuse his power?
Unearned god-like powers are a two edged sword that work for and against the character who wields it. ? The comedy has not only got to be in what he can do to others with his unearned gift, but in how he can hurt himself.. ?In what way does this newly acquired power pose a danger, a threat to some facet of his character?
In “What Women Want”, ?Nick’s psychic power attacks his character flaw, his chauvinism. ? He can’t help but hear what women?really think about him ?And what they really think is that he’s not god’s gift to them; quite the opposite: he’s an egotistical jerk. (Or in the parlance of the time, he’s a USDA cull grade — the lowest quality — male chauvinist pig.)
(An apropo cautionary allegory for his situation, I think, might be the tale of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. ?And worse, this kid probably has no mentor to advise and restrain him , right?)
This concept seems to be suffering from a lack of cohesion across its components. As DPG wrote, the power needs to become an obstacle for his flaw and subsequently force him to evolve.
You’re interested in writing about someone who gains the ability to visualize women’s real desires, now come up with a character who if he or she were to gain this ability would be forced to change.
This magical and unearned power should follow one of the iron laws of drama (and comedy), the law of reversal of initial expectations. ?To wit, whatever the protagonist?thinks is the “best thing” that could happen to him in the 1st Act turns out to be the worst thing that could happen to him by the 3rd. ?He will — he must — come to curse the day he got this power.
?(And what facilitates that reversal is the character flaw.)
“it?s not the power/curse, the inciting incident is: humiliation by the antagonist who steals away his dream girl.”
Oh.
When a jock humiliates him in front of his crush, a socially awkward teen must use his ability to see the desires of females he touches to win her heart. (30)
It could be shorter but that’s the best I’ve got for now.
An inciting incident is usually put after the word ‘when’ or ‘after’. You said “When misfit teen who struggles to understand girls gets the power to visualize the desires of any female he ?touches” which indicates that once he starts visualizing these desires is the inciting incident. If the power is the inciting incident, then you have to put it as the action he uses to achieve his goal. “must use?his ability to…”
I don’t know exactly what you mean by someone who doesn’t understand anyone, but a person who is unadept at social situations is socially awkward. Someone is fears social situations is socially anxious. They have a lot of overlap.
Oh, boy, does the terminology get muddled here.
Coming from computer programming where there is a fairly rigorous standard terminology and relatively uniform definitions, I was initially dazed and confused because of the lack of consistent terms and definitions for drama. ?Dazed and confused and immensely frustrated.
I finally arrived at my own ?preferred ?terms and definitions. I make no claim that they are the best and last words on the subject. ?I only claim that they work for me in discussing scripts and loglines.
The way I see it, the issue under discussion in this thread is the distinction between the “Point of Attack” and the “Inciting Incident”.
I define “Point of Attack” ?as the 1st significant conflict in the 1st Act of the story. ?More specifically, the purpose of the “Point of Attack” is provide the audience a particular illustration of the protagonist’s general situation, ?the unhappy Status Quo ?of his life that he sees now way of escaping . ?It exacerbates and?reinforces the Status Quo — it does not improve?it.
In contrast to the “Point of Attack”, I define “Inciting Incident” as the key event in the 1st Act that?changes the trajectory of his life. ?It offers him a way of escaping the frustration and discontent of the Status Quo. ?(In the “Hero’s Journey” paradigm, ?the Inciting Incident is known as “The Call”.)
Now then. ?In the concept for this story, I interpret the “humliation” as ?the “Point of Attack” — not the “Inciting Incident”.
Why?
Because it is a particular illustration of his general situation, his place in the pecking order. ?He’s the Rodney Dangerfield of his high school; he don’t get no respect. And there is nothing he can about; he sees no way to elevate his status and get the respect of others, and win the love of the girl. ?? (If he wasn’t already the resident Rodney Dangerfield, the jock wouldn’t have been able to diss him with impunity. ?But the jock does.)
The humiliation changes nothing in his status quo; ?it only exacerbates, reinforces it.
Until the “Inciting Incident”, the sudden acquisition of the magical powers. What makes it the Inciting Incident is that it offers him an opportunity to?change everything,?It gives him the ability to escape his unhappy Status Quo.
(Tangentially,? I think it’s possible in some genres — action-thrillers come to mind — for the “Point of Attack” to also be the “Inciting Incident”. ? Every rule has exceptions ?– but the exceptions are not the rule and don’t invalidate the general rule. ? Most films open with?a “Point of Attack” moment to illustrate the Status Quo and what’s wrong with it. ?This sets the stage for a later Inciting Incident.)
fwiw
>>I?m re-assured by Blake Snyder that the ?How? isn?t critical
But you DO have to show the event in the story where the magic suddenly starts. ?Which is the case in “What Women Want”. ?How an electrical shock enables Nick to hear what women think is never explained. ?The audience just has to suspend disbelief and accept it. (And the Act 1 is the only place where events requiring a suspension of disbelief, ?or quasi-demi-deus-ex-machina moments can occur.)
The transforming event of him getting shocked is never explained — but it is shown. ?And that shock is the Inciting Incident.
>> in WHAT WOMEN WANT, the inciting incIdent is Mel?losing a job promotion to a woman
I beg to differ. I consider the loss of the job promotion as the “Point of Attack”, the first significant conflict in the story that has a direct bearing on the course of the plot. The Inciting Incident has to be the electrical shock because it’s the event ?that ?changes his fortune for the better. ?It instantiates the story hook. ?It?gives Nick the inspiration and the means? to realize his objective goal.?
>>>In the case of my OOTB comedy ? it is where our shy teen is humiliated by the rival and loses the girl of his dreams. ?As a result the status quo is no longer bearable, stasis = death for our girl-shy hero.
But the humiliating incident offers no alternative. ?It only exacerbates his Status Quo. ?It changes nothing for the fortunes of the protagonist.?
What the humiliation is in Snyder’s paradigm is a “Death moment”. ?And after that comes the “Catalyst”. ?It causes change. ? ?And ?in your story , ?it’s the magic power that ?is the catalyst event that offers the protagonist an escape route from ?his “Stasis” with one damn “Death moment” after another, ?more of the same ol’, same ‘ol.
And if ?the humiliation is the catalyst, then what ?event in your story constitutes, per the “Save the Cat” paradigm, the “Death Moment”? ?It’s not in your earlier list of “Save the Cat” beats. ?But Blake Snyder explicitly said it’s ?part of the Setup, that it’s a beat that should come somewhere between the Opening Image and the Catalyst beats. ?(See “Save the Cat Strikes Back!”, p 26) So, if you’re going to follow the “Save the Cat” m.o., you gotta have a “Death Moment” before the “Catalyst”. ?What is that moment?
>>My understanding is that the Inciting Incident needs to be in the logline because it gives our hero a cause/goal, so that even just reading the logline we?re rooting for him.
True. And it’s the sudden acquisition of the magic power that gives him the inspiration and the means to achieve his objective goal. ?Without that event, his objective goal?for the plot doesn’t exist — ?it can’t.
I am so bold to assert that the introduction of a magic element into the story (in the 1st Act) always constitutes the Inciting Incident. ?Because it’s what the protagonist inspires and enables the protagonist to escape the trap of his Status Quo.
Lars:
My point is that ?Blake Snyder makes a clear distinction between a “Death Moment” beat and a “Catalyst” beat. ? And after reflecting on your take on your story, I still believe the Catalyst beat in your story — and in “What Women Want” is the protagonist acquiring the magic.
?(That beat also creates the story hook. Being humiliated, losing the promotion are not the story hooks.)
So we diverge on what the Catalyst (aka: ?Inciting Incident, aka: The Call) is in your story. ?Whatever. It’s your story. ?I have nothing more to contribute on that subject.
Except to ask that if the humiliation is not the “Death Moment” beat in your story (a la “Save the Cat”), ?then what is?
?(And for that matter, what’s the “Death Moment” beat in “What Women Want?”)
fwiw
?
I think that the inciting incident is always what makes the character set the goal. In Star Wars it’s when Luke’s family is killed, in Spider-man it’s Uncle Ben’s death, not when he’s bitten by a radioactive spider, or when Luke discovers he can move stuff with his mind. Of course there are cases where the inciting incident is the acquiring of the magic. I can’t think of a good example at the moment.
Different terminology aside, it doesn’t appear that the acquisition of the powers is what make the protagonist set his goal. So on that point I agree with Lars.
However, I do agree with DPG that the humiliation doesn’t seem like something big enough, something to change the status quo.
I hope this helps.
There has been a lot of back and forth here about terminology, it’s important to remember that terminology is just a way for us, as writers, to communicate with each other and it shouldn’t dictate your structure or heavily influence your story choices. In other words, if you try to force a beat into a story because it ‘has to be there’ according to a particular paradigm, you may end up adding elements that shouldn’t necessarily be in your story and ignoring others that should. Ultimately, writing terminology is a matter of perspective and its meaning highly depends on the user.
In this instance, I believe that you could benefit from expanding your story research. Blake Snyder is interesting and definitely offers good advice, however, Campbell and Vogler, i.e The Hero’s Journey can help give you a more comprehensive view (if you haven’t read them already that is). Your main character seems to lack a decisive path of growth, I don’t see how he evolves throughout the script from start to finish. Nick in What Women Want had a clear flaw – chauvanism, and his journey of growth was obvious as a result. What is the equivalent for your character?
The reason this is important is that it will define your MC’s call to adventure (The Hero’s journey), which is separate to the inciting incident. An inciting incident is an event that forces the MC to take action in pursuit of the outer goal, whereas the call to adventure is the story beat that will give the MC the opportunity to start his or her inner journey towards achieving their inner goal.
DPG’s definition of the inciting incident in What Women Want is correct for the inner journey, i.e according to my perspective, it’s his call to adventure. Yet Lars’ definition of the inciting incident – a rival woman getting the job he wanted, is also correct as the catalyst for achieving the outer goal. You need to choose which goal, inner or outer, you want to describe in your logline.
Most loglines describe the plot to achieve the outer goal and the inner journey is only hinted at by describing the character flaw. I personally find this to be the most efficient and widely used form for a logline. However, if you know that the people you’ll be pitching to will want to hear more about the character’s inner journey, perhaps best to draft a logline specifically for them that focuses on the character’s inner journey of transformation.
>>>DPG?s definition of the inciting incident in What Women Want is correct for the inner journey.
Uh, not exactly.
I can’t say more about Lars’ proposed story in relation to the topic under discussion since I don’t know all the story beats for the 1st Act.
But I can speak with regards to “What Women Want”.
As a matter of fact, Nick only settles on his objective goal to defeat his rival AFTER? he acquires his magical power to read women’s minds.? Before he acquires that power, he’s reacting, not acting. He’s running around like a chicken with his head cut off, afraid for his job, because he can’t come up with any ideas for the new campaign for a feminine product. ? He has no game plan, no objective goal to take his rival down and out because he has no means to do so.?
IOW: He’s trapped in a Blake Snyder “Death Moment.”
After he acquires it, he gets the the idea to use it to defeat his rival.? The magic power is the inspiration, the trigger event for his objective goal, his outer journey.
Watch the movie, folks.? Or study the story beats at IMDB.
And that is why I stated? that acquiring the power is the Inciting Incident for that movie.
[FWIW:? Until this discussion thread, I hadn’t tied Snyder’s “Death Moment” to my understanding of the “Point of Attack” beat.? Nor realized how important it is to the setup.? And as a way to more clearly hone in on the Inciting Incident.
So thanks Lars!? You have contributed to the expansion of my understanding of screenwriting.? Now if I could only return the favor and help resolve your logline concerns.]
I haven’t “What Women Want”(or even heard of it before this discussion, because I generally don’t watch pure comedy movies.) So I cannot speak about that. I can, however say that even if the acquiring of the power in that movie is the inciting incident, it doesn’t mean the same goes for Lars’s story no matter how similar they may be. I also agree with Nir Shelter that you shouldn’t get too hung up on following every beat in some dude’s outline.
I still think that the humiliation is the inciting incident, based on what I’ve seen.
>>>My point was that there is a difference between the ?call to adventure? and the ?inciting incident?.
I ?agree –somewhat. ?That is, I agree that sometimes they may be a different beat, other times the same beat. ?It depends on the story. ?And it’s a tricky business mapping and matching two words in two different paradigms. ? Like “Catalyst” in the “Save the Cat” paradigm to “The Call” in the “Hero’s Journey” paradigm.
And all these rules are supposed to be used as tools, right? ?If you need to hammer in a nail, you don’t pick up a saw.
I’ve put a hold on at my local library a copy of “What Women Want” to re-view. ?But I will not belabor the subject further in this thread.
Thanks for everyone’s input. You’ve given me a lot to think about and research further.
I feel like I’ve a had masterclass seminar on this -so thank you all. I must be able to pull out ?a logline now …
I’ll stew on a few ideas today … So thank you and apologies in advance because… I’ll be back soon with another variation
Just a couple housekeeping things, I’m not sure if they’ve been mentioned or not, but:
“the girl”? What girl? Why does he “want” her?
And if his rival is “Machiavellian”, doesn’t your protagonist using his new power for his own gain make him the same thing? What separates them? I think this is similar to the movie?Election?in that they are all morally grey but what makes them sympathetic and possibly borderline likable is that they struggle with their guilt throughout as it builds up throughout. If this isn’t what you were going for, then change the descriptions of your characters immediately.