When a lonely computer programmer hacks a dating site, she inadvertently creates an empathetic Artificial Intelligence, which finds “Mr. Right” just as the government terminates the A.I.
As with the previous version, this logline sets up the protagonist in a situation but gives her no specific objective goal. It does not indicate what she must do in light of the dramatic predicament.
>>>just as the government terminates the A.I.
In drama there is the bogus gimmick known as deus ex machina, introducing an unmotivated, unforeshadowed and illogical solution to the dramatic problem
This plot seems to have the antipodal gimmick, the daemon ex machina, the introduction of an unmotivated, unforeshadowed and illogical complication to the dramatic problem. Why would the Big Bad Government (BBG) want to intervene and shut down a program that helps people find a compatible love mate? That doesn’t make intuitive sense. (I’m guessing the script proper explains why the BBG wants to squelch the AI — but, of course, it probably can’t be explained within the space constraints of a logline. Okay, but everything in a logline needs to make sense. )
What is this story about? The fun and games that result from an AI that’s a good matchmaker? Or the nefarious conspiracy of the Big Bad Government Guys and Girls to who don’t want people to be happy?
This version leaves me confused. And in loglines as in love, confusion is a turn off, not a turn on.
If the government terminated the AI, there’s not much left for the MC to do. However, if the AI was put a risk by the government then the MC could fight to keep it/him alive.
What is the MC’s goal? This sounds like the start of a story but doesn’t deliver on the promise of a dramatic need for the audience/reader to want to follow.