When a man whose jobs is to take on identities suffers a malfunction with his new one, the man struggles with his identity vs the identity is suppose to be under, which could reveal the status and whereabouts of a new complicated nuclear sub.

Leviathan Samurai Asked on February 10, 2019 in Thriller.
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2 Review(s)

What malfunction does he suffer? That is very vague.
As a result, I have no idea what your story is actually about.
I’ll try to create a logline, but obviously, yours will be different.
——————————————————————————
When a nuclear sub goes missing, an undercover agent must (Impersonate a powerful weapons buyer) to discover its location, but complications arise when (he falls for his mark and accidentally reveals his true identity)
———————————————————————–

So if the leads job is to recover the missing submarine. Then the inciting incident would be when the sub goes missing… (When a nuclear sub goes missing)

…Suffers a malfunction with his new one, the man struggles with his identity vs the identity he is supposed to be under.  but complications arise when (he falls for his mark and accidentally reveals his true identity)

So his job is to find the sub but he suffers a malfunction because he falls for his mark. The malfunction being; he reveals his true identity.
Now Malfunction isn’t vague, we know exactly what that malfunction is and know what the story is about.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on February 10, 2019.

I like your point and it’s very valid and direct, but you’re missing the two things: 1) The main character doesn’t fall for his mark, he starts switching between himself and the identity he is suppose to be, hence the malfunction. 2) His job is technically suppose to be assuming identities where he gets an identity and becomes it for the job he is suppose to do, ergo finding the submarine with the identity he assumed.
Also, the submarine was never missing, it was more like being build or held, either as a political evidence or some other random reason.
As for the malfunction, it’s the identity crisis idea. (which I could have been more specific with that, so I’ll have to re-write the logline to show that, but I had hoped the idea would have been easy to guess.)
I hope this helps because I really want this one and the train to succeed. I’ve been working on the train for a while and this one is still in the outline and logline phase.

on February 10, 2019.

The Train idea is definitely a keeper.
Glad to hear you are working on that.

As for this idea, since the lead’s malfunction is, he keeps switching between personalities. (That is the conflict) Then we need to have a glimpse of each personality. His original personality and his new personality. And those two personalities need to be diametrically opposed to one another for this (Both story and logline) to work.

Examples of diametrically opposed personalities:
Mild-mannered/bossy
Introvert/extravert
Serious/Funny
Fastidious/ Slob

1: We need to know what his assumed personality is…
2: We need to know what his natural personality is…
3: We need to immediately understand, just by seeing those two personalities, how conflict will arise when he switches between the two personalities.

Think, ‘The nutty professor’ (Or dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde)
By the very nature of their opposing personalities conflict arises.

on February 10, 2019.

Ill have a go at writing a version based what has been said.  Why they want to find it would be helpful to know.  The biggest issue is expecting people to guess something.

on February 10, 2019.
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A man is implanted with the memories of a person that can identify the location of a submarine but he is now swapping between his own and the implanted memories causing an identity crisis and endangering the mission.

Very wordy.  I’ll get back after some more work.

CraigDGriffiths Summitry Reviewed on February 10, 2019.

It’s close. Very close to a perfect idea. I think I see the missing piece. Thanks, Craig. I can fix this.

on February 13, 2019.
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