MitchWLogliner Posted: January 2, 20182018-01-02T06:33:24+10:00 2018-01-02T06:33:24+10:00In: FantasyWhen a medieval princess releases an evil spirit that intends to murder her husband, she must find a way to destroy the spirit and save her husband.Adaptation of an historic folk tale. Based on Ivan and Koschei tale. ShareFacebook3 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentCraigDGriffiths firstname.lastname@example.org 70 Loglines 999 Reviews 105 Best Reviews 20,402 Points View ProfileBest Answer CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter email@example.com 2018-01-02T11:49:39+10:00Added an answer on January 2, 2018 at 11:49 am Answer these questions which I think we let the reader know how you intend to retell this story.What was she doing when she released the spirit? Not physically, but her goal.What is she doing to try and destroy the spirit?Why is it failing?The last bit of the logline is the entire movie and you have jumped over the best bits.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppNeer Shelter 23 Loglines 2,877 Reviews 260 Best Reviews 55,444 Points View ProfileBest Answer Nir Shelter Singularity 2018-01-02T16:26:39+10:00Added an answer on January 2, 2018 at 4:26 pm The story starts when the spirit threatens to kill her husband – as inciting incidents go a threat is fine but it can be better. What if the spirit were to kill the husband and try to kill her child? Now the inciting incident is much more significant and the threat gains some weight.Best to reword the logline so it starts from the threat to kill and then describes the action she takes to eliminate said threat – destroy the spirit, banish it to hell, or catch it in a Ghost Trap (who you gonna call…).Ultimately, whatever it is she does needs to be described in the logline in more detail than it is now.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppdpg 105 Loglines 5,541 Reviews 558 Best Reviews 111,899 Points View ProfileBest Answer dpg Singularity 2018-01-03T06:28:59+10:00Added an answer on January 3, 2018 at 6:28 am I’m inclined to go with something like:Based on an ancient folk tale, when a medieval princess accidentally releases an evil spirit, she must find a way to destroy it before it kills her husband. (28 words)>>> Based on an ancient folk taleThe fact that it’s a tale that’s endured for centuries suggests it has “commercial legs”; if it’s endured all this time, it might be a timeless (and profitable) story worth telling to a contemporary audience.>>accidentallyIt was accidental, right?? Or if she intentionally released it, she didn’t know what evil she was unleashing?Whatever, I suggest insert the appropriate adverb to clarify her lack of malevolent intent.fwiw0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to can add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?