When a mother realizes that her teenage son is tired of living, she must do something to get him off those dark thoughts before he acts on them.

Anette Logliner Asked on September 12, 2018 in Drama.
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4 Review(s)

>>>tired of living

Rather, uh, anemic.  Only “tired of living”?  Isn’t that an undramatic way of saying he’s depressed?  And wouldn’t the more dramatically compelling story be if he’s so depressed he tries to commit suicide?  Then what must she do about it to prevent him from trying again.  (Because many do try again.)

But more to the dramatic point is what must he do after his first attempt?  He’s obviously in the throes of far greater mental turmoil and conflict than she is.  Therefore, shouldn’t he be the protagonist?  Shouldn’t the plot be about his struggle?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on September 12, 2018.
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Agreed with dpg, the set up isn’t compelling and the leads action ‘she must do something’ is vague.
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Beginning: When her son tries to commit suicide… (It’s hard to show someone ‘realizing something’ instead you should show an action. The son attempts but fails to kill himself, now we have a compelling inciting incident)

Middle: A distraught mom, books them on a trip to Tahiti… (Obviously, your logline will be different, but ‘she must do something is vague. instead tell us what she does in her attempt to save her son, because that will probably be your hook)

End: to show her son life is worth living. (Showing her son life is worth living is a positive goal, getting him off those dark thoughts is a negative goal, I would try to go positive in main characters goal instead of negative)
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End result: “When her son tries to commit suicide, a distraught mom books them on a trip to Tahiti to show her son life is worth living.” 

Again, your logline will be different I am just trying to show you the thought process.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on September 12, 2018.

Thanks for your ideas! I think it’s on the right track. I am just thinking about who should be the protagonist? Mother or the suicidal boy? And can I have one being the protagonist and the other the POV? What are your thoughts?

on September 17, 2018.

When a teenage boy fails to commit suicide, his desperate mom books them on a trip to Sicily to show him life is worth living.

When her son fails to commit suicide, the desperate mom books them on a trip to Sicily to show him life is worth living.


What do you think?

on September 17, 2018.
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When a teenage boy tries to commit suicide, his desperate mom books them on a trip to Sicily to show him life is worth living before he tries again.

Anette Logliner Reviewed on September 18, 2018.
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1] Generations of Sicilians have fled the island because the poverty and corruption made it a place not worth living. So how will it be a place for the son to discover that life is worth living?

2] The mother is only stage managing the plot; the son is the main character, the one who has to live it. She is not in control of the outcome; he is. He is the pivotal character, the only one who can make the ultimate decision to live or die. So the logline ought to cast him as the protagonist.

fwiw

dpg Singularity Reviewed on September 18, 2018.
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