Samurai
Posted: 2018-11-27T15:55:40+10:00 In:

When a mutated pubic lice epidemic turns people into sex-crazed zombies, a prudish neuroscientist teams up with a loud prostitute to find and spread the cure.

Black comedy / Horror comedy?my guess: a more sexed up version of Zombieland.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      When the townsfolk turn into sex-crazed?zombies, a prudish neuroscientist creates a special yeast infection cure but must enlist the help of a loud prostitute to spread it.

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    2. Samurai

      Never start a logline with When. Start with the protagonist, then provide the antagonist, conflict, & stakes. Avoid commas. 25-30 words max, the shorter the better.

      All these elements are present, they’re simply not in a compelling order…plus the offensive sexist crap is also a problem. Rephrase the elements after rethinking the characters (how does a neuroscientist cure an illness brought on by external parasite?) and it’ll be stronger.

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    3. Samurai

      Thank you all for pointing out the sexist aspect of this premise. I admit I was blind to it and very frivolous about the whole idea.

      I see that making a prostitute have unprotected sex to spread the lice remedy is a perverse idea. The clich? of her characterisation only makes things worse. So does filing the story under “comedy.”

      Thank you all, again.

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