When a sarcastic lesbian becomes best friends with the God of War, she gets dragged into a centuries long battle for the fate of mankind.

    Logliner Posted on February 6, 2018 in Action.
    Add Comment
    5 Review(s)

      kcguru wants to establish “this isn’t a plot in romance” by creating a lesbian protagonist
      the issue is
      this particular detail doesn’t contribute to
      1. her role,
      2. or dramatic need
      3. or the Inciting Incident

      the three of which MUST be in a logline

      this “goal” to “resolve a war for the fate of mankind” does not throw light on her “dramatic need” (doesn’t tell us “why?”)
      doesn’t makes her–feel personal enough, to–act

      Summitry Answered on February 6, 2018.

      Yeah, I wanted to establish that this isn’t going to be a romance with the protagonist and the God of War. It’s more about the friendship between the two and how being friends with him gets her dragged into his ‘family’ aka the other Gods and then getting sucked into the battle for mankind as she has to actually pick up the mantle of God of War when something happens to him. Thanks for the great comments, I really appreciate it.

      on February 7, 2018.
      Add Comment

        >>she gets dragged into…

        So she’s the hapless victim of circumstances?  Or is she an authentic protagonist, a character proactively pursuing her own objective goal – not some god’s agenda?

        What is her objective goal?  What must she do when she becomes involved in the epic battle?

        Singularity Answered on February 6, 2018.
        Add Comment

          I would have her fall in love with The God of War – I don’t see why a modern take couldn’t be female. This way she would choose as opposed to be dragged into this war for mankind.
          The only thing I am not sure of is: Are they living in a mythical land E.G. Clash of the Titans or is this in a normal world where the Gods exist we just don’t know it?

          Mentor Answered on February 6, 2018.
          Add Comment

            Agreed with DPG and Knightrider.

            I’ll add that it isn’t clear how her being a lesbian contributes to the story, is there a better description you can give her instead? What is her major flaw? Perhaps she is a lifelong skeptic and forced to reevaluate her skepticism after befriending a god.

            Last thing, the inciting incident is rather weak “…becomes best friends with the God of War…” what else can happen to her that would motivate her to take action?

            Singularity Answered on February 6, 2018.

            Her being a lesbian isn’t necessarily the biggest part of the story, it’s basically just part of the character description but as it was mentioned above, I wanted to establish that a romance with her best friend, the God of War, isn’t going to be happening. It’s not a part of the story. I do like the lifelong skeptic angle. The inciting incident would be when the her best friend gets indisposed and she has to take up the mantle of God of War. I wasn’t sure though if putting that plot point in the logline would be giving away too much though. Thoughts? Thanks for all your suggestions, it really helps!

            on February 7, 2018.

            If, as you say, the lesbian aspect of her character is “…basically just part of the character description…” and “…not a part of the story…” with no implications on the plot, cut it from the logline.

            What is her flaw? Best to describe that than something that’s plot irrelevant.

            Why must she take up the mantle? The connection between that and her besty becoming indisposed is unclear – he’s a god, indisposed or not he can do anything. That aside, I still don’t understand what her goal will be in the story.

            on February 9, 2018.
            Add Comment

              >>>>she gets dragged into a centuries long battle for the fate of mankind.

              Against whom?  Who is the antagonist?

              >>>>her best friend gets indisposed

              How can an Olympian god become indisposed?

              If you’re going to play the lesbian card, why not have her partner up with Aphrodite (Venus)?  On whom she has an unrequited crush.  (Hence, more character conflict) And you might want to brush up on the Greek mythology.  Aphrodite set up the inciting incident for the Trojan War.  A cunning female like Aphrodite can let slip the dogs of war just as well as Mars or any man.

              Singularity Answered on February 7, 2018.
              Add Comment

              Your Review

              By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.