Penpusher
Posted: 2020-07-12T10:56:17+10:00 In:

When a sentient video game character falls in love with the real-life player, she must get rid of the other characters to gain the player’s affections, even if that means rewriting the game script.

Not writing the title so the story isn’t spoiled for anyone

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    12 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      This is cool! It’s like a reveres Her, where the AI is the main character – It’s a digi-girl meets boy love story.

      The premise needs more clarity though. What kind of game? First-person shooter? Battle royal? A quest?

      Lastly, what’s stopping her? The obstacle and primary source of conflict aren’t clear.

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    2. Samurai

      I agree with Neer that the source of the conflict is ambiguous. I think there needs to be a clearer connection with how getting rid of the other characters earns the player’s affections. If you can find a way to change that without making it wordy, that’d be great 🙂 Also, I’m not really sure what “game script” means. Do you mean game code? If so, I’d word it as “even if it means rewriting the game itself”.

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    3. Singularity

      What about something like:

      When a sentient *avatar* in a video war game falls in love with the real life character, she must win his love before he discards her for a new avatar?

      Or make them both male, or both female, or the real life person is transgender– lots of possibilities.

      fwiw

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    4. Singularity

      Agree with all the previous comments. You put this in Examples… is it an existing film?

      There’s definitely something in this idea. There is a little confusion about who the character is. Is it the player’s avatar or a NPC within the game? There’s a film coming out with Ryan Reynolds called Free Guy that I think touches on similar themes to this.

      Agree with Scott re: “game script”. It’s important to remove any words which have a double meaning and could be interpreted in a different way. This is particularly important when it changes a significant plot point. This goes for “characters”, “players” etc. The reader needs to understand who is within the game and who is in the real world.

      Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

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    5. Best Answer
      Samurai

      When a sentient video game character falls in love with the real-life player, she must get rid of the other characters to gain the player’s affections, even if that means rewriting the game script.

      Sounds cool. Reminds me of the WRECK IT RALPH films (which I am admittedly a fan of.)

      Okay. Let’s see…
      Intention: she must get rid of the other characters to gain the player’s affections (how is this difficult? what do you mean get rid of? Like kill them? One big thing – why does she have to get rid of the other players to win his affections?)
      Obstacle: rewriting the game script. (is this difficult? what happens if she does?)

      There’s some conflict here. A dilemma. Someone else is right – that it needs to be a bit more specific what’s going on.

      When a video game character falls in love with the real-life player, she rewrites the game in order to spend time with him, inadvertently erasing her video game friends.

      This one isn’t great but is it closer to what you mean? If so – hopefully it’s innate that she must fix things or choose one. Dilemma’s are really great for logline’s btw so I’d probably make sure that’s always clear.

      Anyways – good luck!

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    6. Penpusher

      I believe that it’s a little ambiguous as to whether the sentient video game character is an avatar or NPC. Also, I believe that the conflict isn’t well defined, and I’m not sure why she needs to get rid of other characters to earn his affection. But I do like the idea of rewriting an entire script, and the ideas that can flourish off of that plot point.

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    7. Logliner

      That’s an awesome idea! Agree with the other comments that some details should be fleshed out Depending on which genre you wanted to use, action, romance, etc. (both sound great), maybe she’s trying to get the player’s attention but he’s easily distracted or maybe there’s a ticking clock like he’s either renting or borrowing the game but is getting bored with it.

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    8. Penpusher

      Nicely done. This has perked my interest. Learning myself. But it seems concise and creates a desire for me to see the story

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