When a terminally ill student wants to commit suicide, he meets an enigmatic girl who gives him new courage to face life, only to find out that her life expectancy is lower than his.
When I see the wording “suicidal terminally ill student” my gut reaction, although harsh was – why bother? Why should I bother to invest any emotions in a lead who is physically/emotionally dead already?
Not knowing your story, I came up with some stuff to allow me to care 😊
- “A suicidal terminally ill student finds hope” to “A terminally ill student on the verge of committing suicide finds hope”.
- “after falling for an enigmatic girl” to the epitome of upbeat – how about falling for a cheerleader? He is a student, right?
- I do not believe you need to state “who gives him new courage to face life” – the word hope is universal for someone in his state. Plus, losing that will free up space for some hopes dashed stuff mentioned by CraigDGriffiths.
With the help of a cheerleader, a terminally ill student on the verge of committing suicide finds inspiration but hopes are dashed when he discovers her life expectancy is shorter than his.
Is the only thing that I find bracing. Why is someone that is difficult to understand going to give him courage.
Maybe she does. I don’t know. Perhaps aim for the heartbreak instead.
A suicidal terminally ill student finds hope after falling for a girl who gives him new courage to face life, only to find out that her life expectancy is lower than his.
I know I am doubling down on his new happy outlook. I don’t think her personality is paying enough dividends to survive the edit.
I was thinking in your story.
This is just the thoughts I was having.
What about if he wasn’t dying. He was just depressed and suicidal. He wants to die. She is dying but wants to live.
He finds a reason to live, but then learns it is going to be taken from him and their is nothing he can do.