When a young climber becomes paraplegic after an accident. In the rehabilitation center, she must accept her reality and find a new motivation for her life before choosing suicide.
It’s kinda vague but interesting. Would greatly improve with a goal more specific than “finding new motivation”
It gives us no hint as to what’s happening in the action “accept her reality”.
What becomes her objective-visual-goal?
also maybe drop “..before choosing suicide” and edit with the adjective “dejected” since loglines are more about the first two acts; or change the format to — “after becoming paraplegic in an accident, a young cragsman must…” [add objective goal]
You have some good ideas but your ideas seem unoriginal.
Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat (a screenwriting book) has a chapter: Give me the same thing… only different! Your loglines gives me the same thing in the same way.
This is your original thought and you must be able to represent it in an original way.
Best to think of a story, at logline stage, as an action-reaction formula – this thing happens and therefore this person must do this other thing.
“…accept her reality…” isn’t an action, it’s an emotional/mental process. As film is visual, you need to think of physical actions that embody the emotional state of the character.
So, as a result of becoming paralyzed what must she do in specific terms? And, what will the camera see her achieve as a result of these actions?
IMHO: these stories seems to work better when they are based on upon the struggle of real people recovering from real life accidents. Like the new independent movie, “The Rider” about an Indian rodeo rider’s struggle to recover from a nearly fatal head injury after being thrown from a horse. Truth is not only stranger than fiction — it is also more compelling because the people, the situations, the emotions are authentic — not made up.
For this premise to be marketable, the script needs a unique twist, a strong story hook. And I just don’t see one.