When a young man is tormented by the spirit of his dead father telling him his mother will die because of him, he tries to find out more about his death.

    Samurai Posted on October 28, 2018 in Thriller.
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      >>>he tries to find out more about his death.

      That may be a means to an end, to achieving his objective goal — but it doesn’t qualify as an objective goal.
      What is his objective goal in digging up the dirt about his father’s death?  And why does achieving it depend on his finding out more about how his father died?
      What’s the cause and effect relationship between the tormenting spirit and the need to know how his father died?

      Singularity Answered on October 28, 2018.
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        >>>tormented by the spirit  of his dead father
        The inciting incident is simply the moment his dead father tells him his mother will die because of him. The torment is part of the internal struggle to achieve his goal of.

        There’s a little ambiguity every time you use the word “his” or “him”. I assume you’re referring to the young man BUT I couldn’t say for sure. Is the mother’s death meant to be attributed to the young man or the father? This is kinda the key plot point so I recommend making sure it’s 100% clear.

        Regarding the goal… I agree with dpg on all his points. We need to understand the relationship between the father’s death and his mother’s potential death.

        Summitry Answered on October 29, 2018.
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          Agreed with DPG and Mike.

          I’ll add that “…young man…” is perfectly generic and lacks the detail a protagonist’s description needs. It would be better to describe him through his flaw and profession instead.

          Singularity Answered on November 1, 2018.
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