When a young woman blissfully in love, climbs the Swiss Alps to meet her boyfriend, she is unexpectedly dumped and must overcome heartbreak to start again.

    Penpusher Posted on July 29, 2019 in Romance.
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    4 Review(s)

      An interesting setup. But, “overcome heartbreak” refers to her subjective need, not her objective want. And loglines are about the latter, not the former. And “start again” is vague.  Start what again?  Mountain climbing or…?  As a result of being dumped, what becomes her objective goal?  What will make it difficult for her to achieve it?

      Also there is an ongoing refurbishing of the romantic genre.  Stories about women who define themselves, their happiness in terms of men are being deprecated in favor of stories about women who define themselves in terms of their accomplishments, whose definition of happiness is not solely about getting the guy. The woman’s job is no longer to please the man; rather the man’s job is to respect the women and get with the program of  supporting co-equal relationships.  She is as likely to dump him as he would dump her.

      Bottom line: if she climbs the mountain for his sake in Act 1, she would climb it for herself in Act 3.  (Or something equivalent.)  That could constitute her character arc.

      Singularity Answered on July 29, 2019.
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        One must never place a loaded rifle on the stage if it isn’t going to go off.” –Mr. Sulu– (Or was it Chekhov?)

        You set up your logline with the lead character climbing the Swiss Alps. This is very interesting.

        Then you do nothing with it. Once the lead is dumped she simply must overcome her heartbreak.

        It is anti-climactic to put the Swiss Alps at the beginning of the story, then not use them in the second act as something the lead must overcome. Especially since it is the “Alps,” part of the logline that will hook the reader.

        Singularity Answered on July 30, 2019.

        Hi Richiev, please see comments below on my response to dpg.

        Cheers,

        N

        on July 30, 2019.
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          Excellent point by Richiev!  Often a logline explicitly or implicitly plants a “Chekhov gun”.    It violates audience expectations not to “fire it” by the 3rd Act.  If climbing the Alps for whatever reason is a key event in the 1st Act, it seems to me it needs development or at least a reminder in the 2nd Act, a payoff in the 3rd.

          Singularity Answered on July 30, 2019.

          Hi dpg and Richiev,

          Thanks so much for your comments. Really interesting points. I was testing this out for a short film screenplay I have already written. It’s 20mins long, so if I did develop the feature it’s essentially only the first act/ threshold where the film continues to greater heights (excuse the pun 😉 Firstly, I wanted to see if as a stand alone Short film it had legs and enough intrigue.

          And I did wonder if it was too vague (“starting over again”).

          Secondly, I love the idea of the female lead defining themselves on their accomplishments. My short film is like the precursor to that happening if it were to become a feature, but I guess I need to incorporate that more into the short, somehow. And as Richiev suggests using the Swiss Alps for all its glory rather than just a romantic backdrop.

          Great advice – thanks again. Now to work it better into the logline!

          Cheers,

          Nina

          on July 30, 2019.
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            Possible Title: Mountain high, River deep

            Singularity Answered on July 30, 2019.

            Clever.

            Now what’s the plot?

            on July 30, 2019.

            Good point

            on July 30, 2019.
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