When all their attempts to achieve happiness fail, even when fulfilling family expectations, a highly disciplined hetero cis woman must deconstruct and find out what she wants in all aspects of her life even if that includes rediscovering her sexuality to be happy.

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Penpusher Posted on July 10, 2019 in Comedy.
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There are lots of great things you can do with with a lead character trying to find themselves.

However, you are missing the ‘moment’ of clarity when she realizes she needs to change.

For instance, when the lead character of “American Beauty” is fired, that is when he changes and begins to speak his mind to everyone.

Adding this moment to your logline will give it a little more focus and as a result, help draw your reader in.

(Granted, this moment of clarity won’t exactly be the reason, but simply the last straw but in a story like this I would definitely have that moment in the logline)

Singularity Answered on July 10, 2019.

Thanks for your time.
You are right!
I will think about how to improve my logline from these observations.
Thank you!

on July 10, 2019.
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Since you explicitly tell us the woman is cis, I would expect the film to be about the woman’s “sexual orientation” not her “sexuality”. A woman can rediscover her sexuality (as did Anna Karenina) without questioning her sexual orientation.

As Richiev asks, what is the inciting incident? Since this is a comedy, we expect she might misinterpret the incident or overact in some comedic fashion, but the event should be something specific, not general unhappiness with life.

Samurai Answered on July 10, 2019.

Thank you for your comments!
I mentioned that the woman is cis and disciplined, because it is about a woman who has never felt the need to question too much. Because she was just what was expected of her, like her mother. She sought to satisfy, but never took care of her own satisfaction.
I will think about how to improve my logline from these observations. I realize that I do not mention something important: That he is thirty years old and never had an orgasm.
It’s a dramatic comedy, but it’s my first time on the page and I did not find this category in the options.
Thank you!

on July 10, 2019.

“That he is thirty years old and never had an orgasm.”

Does she shun self-stimulation for religious reasons? Or do you mean she has never had an orgasm during hetero sex?

What is still missing is the reason why she questions her sexual identity, orientation and needs at this point in time. I don’t find stories in which people are primarily motivated by melancholy very convincing.

on July 11, 2019.

This woman’s parents are very conservative.
She does not get stimulated because she gets bored. But she also did not have it during heterosexual sex because she does not even know what she wants for this reason, nor can she ask for it.
She only looks for a man to form a home. But she never stopped to think what she really wants.
After separating from a violent relationship, he continues to look for a man to form a home, any man, because until now he only wants to form a home. She has many appointments, but she only feels lonelier each time because she does not even feel sexually satisfied. The revelation comes when she is tired of feeling empty, there she realizes that she did not even have an orgasm in her life with these failed relationships. That’s when she finally begins to know herself and have new experiences.
I think it’s finally a drama.
I apologize if there is a grammatical error, I am still learning English.

on July 11, 2019.

Now I understand. The inciting incident happens during the violent relationship. Maybe her husband beat her once too many times or hit her particularly hard the last time. Maybe she ends up in the hospital and when she wakes up she decides she must leave him. Maybe her family is opposed to her leaving because they consider divorce shameful, and think it is OK for a man to hit his wife. Maybe her mother was abused by her father. After the woman gets away, she begins questioning everything about her life up until then, including her sexual identity. That is a story that can work as a drama, but, as you have realized, not as a comedy.

on July 12, 2019.
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A logline for a comedy should give the reader an idea as to what the comedic premise is.  Alas, I can’t imagine what could be so funny about  “a highly disciplined hetero cis woman (who) must deconstruct….” yada, yada, yada.

BUT:
>>>That (s)he is thirty years old and never had an orgasm.

I can immediately imagine comedy possibilities in a 30 year old woman who has never had a Big O!! moment in her life.  That’s the most interesting defining characteristic of  your character.

It’s your story hook, what  makes the character and her situation interesting.  Don’t bury that hook.  Reveal and lead with it.

Like :”A 30 year old woman who has never had an orgasm must…” well, what?

Singularity Answered on July 11, 2019.

I’m still thinking about the category, maybe it’s finally a drama.
Thank you very much for the help, it is very instructive!

on July 11, 2019.
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Lol, in response to DPG’s idea about a 30-year-old woman who has never had an orgasm. There could be some very funny bits you could infuse into your story.

Comedic bits:

She buys an old motorcycle and goes over a bunch of speed bumps.

She askes if she could use her friend’s dryer, loads a bunch of shoes and sits on top of it.

She tries horseback riding.

She goes to a very straight-laced hypnotist who normally helps people quit smoking and explains she wants him to help her have an orgasm.

She self-consciously tries to read, “How to have an orgasm” while riding the subway, gets weird looks, then an eighty-year-old lady nods and gives her a thumbs up.


The basic idea is she looks up on-line all the things woman claim have given them an orgasm and tries them out… probably in the form of a montage. (Set to “I touch myself” or some song along those lines depending on the rights)

Singularity Answered on July 12, 2019.
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