When an 11 year old accidentally clones himself, he is swept up in an audacious plot to kidnap world leaders and must use all his ingenuity to save his father, his friends, his unexpected twin and the world.

    Penpusher Posted on May 24, 2016 in Family.

    This script is already at first draft stage, hence my difficulty in simplifying it to 35 words. Nevertheless, here’s another go:
    “When a solitary 11 year old 3D prints himself, he has to teach his twin to be human, before the clone is hijacked by multinational forces and destroyed.

    on May 24, 2016.
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    6 Review(s)

      You have a little too much going on.

      Also, I’m not sure how this all connects; because of this, the logline seems jumbled.

      I believe the first step to making this logline a bit more clear would be to change the inciting incident and work from there.
      —–
      “When  an 11 year old boy discovers a plot to kidnap world leaders and replace them with clones…” (Then tell us what he must do)
      —–
      Hope that helps, good luck with this!

      Singularity Answered on May 24, 2016.

      Thank you. It’s a difficult plot to describe in a sentence, but the “cloning” is the inciting incident and it leads to the “discovery”. I’ll keep working on it.

      on May 24, 2016.

      I find that creating loglines for my own scripts is much harder than coming up with loglines for other writers scripts or ideas. We  have this whole big story to tell and we want it all crammed into the logline and it is just difficult to do in one short sentence.

      on May 25, 2016.
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        The aspect of the logline that hooks my attention is not the kidnapping conspiracy but the cloning.  Cloning raises all kinds of ethical and existential fodder for a plot.

        But what is the cause-and-effect relationship between cloning humans and the kidnapping conspiracy?  I’m guessing the conspiracy is to kidnap and clone world leaders and then use the clones as replacement puppets to achieve world domination.

        If the cloning is central to the conspiracy for world domination — if the cloning is the means to the villain’s  objective goal — then I suggest the logline needs to clarify that causal relationship.  If it isn’t, then I have no idea what the story is really about.

        fwiw.

        Singularity Answered on May 24, 2016.
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          Agreed, too much. Focus on one plot. After he clones himself, what does that directly cause? Describe that.

          Summitry Answered on May 24, 2016.
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            Normally when a plot is too difficult to describe in a logline it’s indicative of a flaw in the concept.
            Consider Richiev’s suggestion for improvement as it clears up many problems, and perhaps re structure your plot accordingly.

            Singularity Answered on May 24, 2016.

            I don’t accept “normally.” When a plot is difficult to describe in a logline, it means no more than it is difficult to describe. When subjecting a complex plot to a 35 word logline it is necessary to make compromises, choose one strand of the story and express it in a way that excites interest. I have obviously come up short there. I’m not going to rewrite my script for the sake of a “normal” logline.

            on May 24, 2016.

            Just to be clear I didn’t say your story is flawed, rather made an observation from many many loglines that difficulty in creating a logline is often related to problems in the plot.

            You can argue against the concept of normal or conventions, but the fact remains that the vast majority of successful films, and to that matter good scripts, have a logline under 30 words. You certainly can write a logline longer than that, but consider what we know already.

            on May 25, 2016.
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              I have to say that I agree with Lemmy, that his concept isn’t flawed simply because his logline lacks focus. Stories that are long should have more than one plot and should be complex. However, the logline should focus on the inciting incident(cloning) and then what the character(s) do in response to that.
              In your comment you say he has to teach the clone to be human, but why? Why does the MC care if the clone is hijacked?
              Perhaps your inciting incident shouldn’t even be the cloning itself. Maybe something like when his clone starts acting strangely or is kidnapped or the clone is found after he went missing. That way you can link that incident to the rest of the plot more easily, hinting at the antagonist’s objective.

              Summitry Answered on May 25, 2016.
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                Having written a first draft doesn’t eliminate the possibility of a second one – all scripts are re written.
                A logline should help you focus your next draft, and if it is hard to clearly outline a plot in a logline it will be harder to do so in a whole script.

                Break it down to the cause and effect of an inciting incident and goal:
                What happened to the boy that motivated him to need to achieve his goal?
                What is his specific goal?

                If the answers to the above questions are made clear in the next logline, it will help you with re writing the script.

                Singularity Answered on May 25, 2016.
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