Karel SegersSamurai Posted: February 27, 20202020-02-27T07:43:43+10:00 2020-02-27T07:43:43+10:00In: ThrillerWhen an ATC controller is contacted by the flight on which his troubled younger brother crashed 13 years ago, he must convince the pilot to get his brother on the radio to make amends, and find out why his body was never found.– ShareFacebook2 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentdpg 105 Loglines 5,558 Reviews 559 Best Reviews 111,953 Points View Profile dpg Singularity 2020-02-27T11:40:03+10:00Added an answer on February 27, 2020 at 11:40 am ATC = air traffic controller.? Suggest spelling it out (and thus “controller”) becomes repetitive.? Because not everyone will immediately grasp what the abbreviation stands for.? And every word, every element in a logline ought to be immediately understood. A reader should not have to guess, not have to google.What is the content, what did the pilot say?? Is he seeking clearance to land?? Is it a mayday call? Or…??? That might have a bearing on how to phrase the logline (and develop the plot).Taking the words as they are, not having a clue as to other particulars, it seems to me the logline sets out two goals: “make amends” (by getting the brother on the radio), and find the missing body.? (Is the brother’s body the only one not recovered?? Or are all the bodies missing?)Well,? the standard rule is that a logline should conform to Aristotle’s unity of plot; to wit, there should only be a singular objective goal.I’m guessing that “make amends” relates to a subjective goal driven by the controller’s need for closure.? But loglines are explicitly about objective goals,? implicitly about subjective goals (usually via the character flaw or psychic wound).And the logline? contains 43 words.? Narrowing the focus to a singular goal should shrink it to under 40.? After all, the story hook, the grabber is not that the controller wants to talk to his brother.? Or that he wants to find out why his body was never recovered.?? (Which seems to be amiss:? wouldn’t the goal be to recover the body, such remains as there may be?)The story hook is that 13 years after an airline went down with no survivors, the pilot contacts the air traffic controller.fwiw0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppyqwertz 2 Loglines 108 Reviews 31 Best Reviews 5,069 Points View Profile yqwertz Mentor 2020-02-29T02:19:18+10:00Added an answer on February 29, 2020 at 2:19 am As written, the logline does not indicate a “Thriller”, rather it points to a drama. And that drama is taking place entirely in the man’s head as there is no indication anyone else is involved. The only question is why the mental breakdown took so long in coming.If this is not meant to be a story about one man’s mental struggle with guilt, then the inciting incident must be the appearance of the long lost plane on the ATC’s radar screen. (Maybe the plane disappeared over the ocean and no bodies or wreckage were ever found.) This would put the film in either the sci-fi or supernatural thriller genres. However, planes don’t stay on one tower’s radar screen for very long, either they land or fly on. In this case the main goal has to be to get the plane on the ground and find out where it has been for the last 13 years. Yes, the man wants to reconcile with his brother, but that is a secondary plot line.I think you have an interesting idea, but the logline needs a clear direction so we know where the story is headed..0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to can add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?