When an ATC controller is contacted by the flight on which his troubled younger brother crashed 13 years ago, he must convince the pilot to get his brother on the radio to make amends, and find out why his body was never found.

ATC = air traffic controller.? Suggest spelling it out (and thus “controller”) becomes repetitive.? Because not everyone will immediately grasp what the abbreviation stands for.? And every word, every element in a logline ought to be immediately understood. A reader should not have to guess, not have to google.

What is the content, what did the pilot say?? Is he seeking clearance to land?? Is it a mayday call? Or…??? That might have a bearing on how to phrase the logline (and develop the plot).

Taking the words as they are, not having a clue as to other particulars, it seems to me the logline sets out two goals: “make amends” (by getting the brother on the radio), and find the missing body.? (Is the brother’s body the only one not recovered?? Or are all the bodies missing?)

Well,? the standard rule is that a logline should conform to Aristotle’s unity of plot; to wit, there should only be a singular objective goal.

I’m guessing that “make amends” relates to a subjective goal driven by the controller’s need for closure.? But loglines are explicitly about objective goals,? implicitly about subjective goals (usually via the character flaw or psychic wound).

And the logline? contains 43 words.? Narrowing the focus to a singular goal should shrink it to under 40.? After all, the story hook, the grabber is not that the controller wants to talk to his brother.? Or that he wants to find out why his body was never recovered.?? (Which seems to be amiss:? wouldn’t the goal be to recover the body, such remains as there may be?)

The story hook is that 13 years after an airline went down with no survivors, the pilot contacts the air traffic controller.

fwiw